hey jianfu, i am fine.

busy, sick (i thought i was going to die yesterday - bad backache, stomach ache, stomach cramp, and sniffling all morning) and growing fat are the three reasons.

hahhaa.

received an email from ming ghee. they always have this thing for making me laugh. so glad to be seeing her again this dec!! woohoo!

have i mentioned, all of them stays at earthwalker guesthouse when they go to siem reap. and thats the place i've booked! what good foresight i have! haha.

and last cell session, i was playing thy loving kindness on the guitar in the most boring strumming and my pastor had to play the same song in ten different styles. haha. hes so awesome.

and thad thad is getting cuter and cuter each week i see him. what an awesome little kid!

praise God cos i think i wont survive if not for Him.

(:

i am mad mad and mad angry.

and really sleepy.

and coffee must be taken with milk.

(:

thank you ms ros for inviting me to your house. its awesome! you are incredible man!

i wonder when i am older will i have that many friends to invite to my house. there were just sooo many people at her place, just so comfortable sitting there. while we were watching dvd, wq sir was slouching into the couch, ruixian ma'am and i were just leaning on it. it doesnt matter that i am only there for the 2nd time, its just so nice.

thank you aunty y for inviting me to your house. its great catching up with ya!

i am getting new birks! cos mr ernest asked if i wanted to get one cos they need to fulfill a certain amount to do away with shipping. i need something a little more serious than my tevas sometimes. so here it is. haha.

i am so dead for essay. i am no where near completion for dr radin's essay. and i have yet to start on dr wang's. oh boy.

(:

i went to sleep at 12 last night. hahaha. but i finished uncle david stuff. i hope there's not much changes to make. aiyo.. quite scary! haha. but i am thankful already that it's finished. i am quite behind in my readings for my essay. i cannot go out for dinner tonight, i should go park in the library. the burma delta, by michael adas.

anyway, this is my favourite song that i have learnt in guitar class thus far (this coming thursday is the last lesson. i am kinda sad, but i think its good to take a break to prepare for exams and the mission trips, i can always continue later)

Complete
Here I am, O Lord
I bring this sacrifice, my open heart
I offer up my life
I look to You Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith will I walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

- Parachute Music

(:

i cant bring myself to do anything today. i feel so tired that i want to go back to bed. but i slept from, friday (6pm) to this morning, 10am, then took an afternoon nap from 4pm to 6.30pm. oh dear. i feel like a pig.

i just remembered i got stuff to do for uncle david. feels kinda dreadful, esp when i havent finished the stuff for william.

but i guess i gotta do some work. i will try to finish the readings for dr radin and then attempt on my essay. at least i feel much better after clarifying stuff with him. well well, vietnam and burma, here comes shirley!

(:

and so i drank 3 cups of coffee. the first being at the meeting and 2 through the night. the results - i managed to practise a bit of my guitar for todays lesson, and more or less finished the outline, albeit one sided for consultation with dr radin. actually i didnt have to see him today but i wanted to give myself some pressure to start working on the paper. and it kinded succeeded! and in the afternoon, i managed to read a bit about the japanese occupation of southeast asia and its impact on nationalism though it was not from any of the recommended reading (but i read a bit on ricklefs before). at least i have some background knowledge on the matter.

the coming day is another day of great trial. and i am a little airy in the head. too much coffee. and my stomach feels sick. i better go to school earlier to eat stuff - soupy food to warm my poor stomach.

anyway, i thought min's suggestion of polaroid (sp?) for the kids at takeo is awesome! i dont think they ever have a chance of receiving photos, so its really good! AWESOME JOB, MIN!

now i am itching between an LCA, digicam or the polaroid. i'll compare prices and see. hehee!

(:

i was kinda disappointed by the ending of eleven minutes. even though i like happily ever afters, i thought she would be brave enough to follow her dreams. i dont know la.

bleh.

tutorial and consultation with snowman tomorrow!

COFFEEEEE!!

anyway, aunty jen asked if i was interested in going to hanoi, vietnam to teach english next year. during my hols. during the time that i have set aside for travel. how good is God's timing. i could go with them, then backpack the rest of it la! woohoohoo!! here i come, hanoi!

(:

i feel so loved! thank you for asking me every year!! though i was the last and only one that year to join the family, its like you guys never forget me! THANK YOU!!

i am going to practice my guitar.

(:

btw, i didnt realise that my blog comment was restricted to users only. i have disabled that.

(:

the red house is also my new house. my new life in Christ as what Bishop John Tan preached today. i got confirmed today. the entire service felt so surreal.

my first communion.

thanks to all those who made it extra special.

my 21st year on earth marks great excitement and significance.

(:

yeeeehaaaa!

after all that insecurity and uncertainity about making the trip alone, i am okay already. i am not going alone after all. i bought some company. its name is webbie. i named it after a school friend from des. sounds cute right? webbie is a lego man with a camera. after buying it, i came home and ransacked my cupboard and found my lego set and made him a red house with a flat roof and flowers on top. the red house is not just for webbie but rather it encompasses my dream of owning a house/cafe thingy. so i am just materialising it on a very very much smaller scale. why red when i am always wearing black and stuff, cos theres most red blocks and i think i am more red than black. but i wont wear red, doesnt look very good on me. and red runs, my jeans was stained red in cambodia. haha.

i walked from novena to orchard today and they looked at me as though i was an alien. its kinda nice to walk. except for the haze which was a damper on my spirit. i enjoyed the walk alot. and i realised that my pumas are quite comfy to walk in. haha.

i have been collecting a lot of travel articles and stuff. and having worked with ro mama, kinda got me interested in wanting to go see the world. so heres my top 10 destinations, in no order of merit, let me know if you are interested, some are countries, because i have no idea where in the place i wanna go yet, or i really want to see the whole place, and some are cities and stuff, where i kinda know i wanna be there.

1. bali - especially after last year
2. thailand - phuket, koh samui, chiang mai
3. vietnam - hanoi, hue
4. tibet & china (esp shanghai)- though i consider them 2 different countries
5. malate
6. macao
7. india
8. nepal - cos peggy said she was going to take us there but she never
9. cuba
10. siem reap - cos i am a history student interested in cambodia, and the angkor wat is the only glorious part of their history so far

theres like hundred and one place i wanna go but heres top 10.

hahahhaha.

my brother found a guitar pick at home. its not mine. haha. we were wondering for the entire afternoon whose it might be.

(:

i was thinking about my trip to takeo last year. the night before i left, i went to meet peiqi. as i was walking to the bus stop, i started crying because i felt really scared. yesterday, i felt that same kind of fear. about making the trip alone - is really scaring me. being in an unknown place, knowing no one, knowing nothing about getting there or getting home fills me with fear. yet at the bottom of my heart, i crave this adventure. i cannot put it off by saying, wait till i am older cos i think i am really old now. if i dont do it now, i think i will never get down to doing it. its my 21st birthday present to myself! so here i am people, pray for me when i leave for this trip.
14-17th december, siem reap. keep those days in prayers, for i will be exploring something that i have never tried before. then next semester, i can tell dr fernado, yups, i have been to the angkor wat. i will try to see the sunrise there. i will try if i am not too scared of the dark. anyway, backpackers inn got a lot of people. i will just learn to make friends. i will not pretend to be autistic. i will learn to make friends and get to know people. and ask if they want to see the sunrise in the angkor wat with me. i think i will be staying at the earthwalkers guesthouse. i am contemplating a twin room for myself or just bunk in one of those 4 people bunk. i think i need to ask aunty y to get me a ticket to siem reap when i go on the first. pray for good weather, cambodian roads are not all that good. a pity i have really bad motion sickness if not i might attempt to take the rail to somewhere.

anyway, i am getting confirmed on sunday. this sunday. and i will try to match the time i spend practising the guitar with reading the bible.

yups yups yupssss!

i am gonna do my readings. no more playing the guitar today. my fingers are sore already.

and yesterday i walked jolene to the mrt cos confirmation service rehearsal ended rather late and it was quite dark. shes sooo cute! after the rehearsal she asked if i was going home. i told her not cos theres cell that night in church. but i told her i will walk her to the mrt because it was dark. guess her reply? she said she brought that umbrella for that purpose and it would be dangerous for me to walk back alone. hahha. aint she so cute?!

I love You, I need You

Though my world may fall

I'll never let You go.

My Saviour, my closest friend

I will worship You until the very end.

- Jesus, lover of my soul

(:

i booked my air tickets already. its USD$85+S$100, its super ex la. my brother paid. i think i can delay payment till forever later. i was searching for guesthouses. then i realised i am super scared now. like, eh, am i going to stay alone, i am freaking out and dying now. but this is no.2 on my 43things. so i gotta do it alone. i am super scared!

i lost my guitar pick. i am really sad.

i have decided to get a new guitar. yea!

(:

loveshirley

我的吉他老师给我一个廷好的评价.感谢主.
我终了跟妈妈说我又要去柬捕寨了.
hanyu pinyin is so difficult. if i had written in chinese, i would have finished. my mom is the last person to know i have decided to go to cambodia. but its only with her blessings that i have decided to stay till the 17th, then take a cab to tanjong puteri whatever golf resort on my own. i better start running again, in case i cannot run fast enough when something happens on my way there. hahaha.

(:

i think i am extremely boring, yet i am enjoying every minute of my boring life. wahahaa.

my fingers on my left hand are swelling. boohoohoo. there's guitar test today and i cant switch from D effectively to Bm7.

i am happy!

(:

i was at mackers this morn and i realised another reason for the need for company - hotcakes are hard to finish alone. i spent an hour finishing my hotcakes meal.

i am so glad my postcard to japan reached! yeah!

(:

i understand the significance of marriage, having attended so many weddings. and i understand why we have friends. because when God made adam, He said its not good for man to be alone. but as i was walking down orchard around 10plus today, seeing people walking together, knowing or unknowing, i asked myself why do people get together. it is because they fear loneliness? or is there really security in numbers? i am giving myself till tomorrow to decide whether i want to stay in cambodia and come back on the 17th and take a cab to tanjong puteri whatever golf resort on my own. i am kinda scared and i wish that someone will come with me, but that kinda validates the point i made above. we crave company because there's security in numbers.

yah.

(:

for a moment, the problem bugging me is not where my hottie from school hangs out in. but how come aunty elma is coming to cambodia with us. i have nothing against her. shes a nice old lady but i hate it when people use their seniority, ie, age to put people down. whatever la.

i should have gone out this evening. since mummy is not home and i dont have to think of a excuse not to have dinner with her. but i really dont know where to go. i dont wanna impose on the lokes by inviting myself to dinner with them, then again, uncle pakchee asked if i wanted to join them. i am sure they will like some family time.

the love of my life, thaddy is sick again. my heart aches for this baby. poor little fellow. just last week, we were hanging out at the manhatten fish market for dinner, playing peekaboo, and this week, hes missing out on church. but i am sure the Lord who created him will provide for him and his family. i trust in the Lord's faithfulness.

this couple of years as i am growing up, i am beginning to get fearful of many things. my grandparents are getting on in years, and i love them soo much. the things i cannot let go are probably my family. you can take away my camera, my money, but i wont allow you to take away my family. strangely, i dont miss my family much when i am away though i do think of them.

i am secretly, if not openly envious of people like ser, jer, lin and friends. they hang out together, going to kluang together and all that. i pray for friends like that, a bit crazy and wonky, but you know they are there when the world crashes. oh well..

(:

i am not resenting anything anymore but perhaps i am still carrying the emotional baggage, not being able to let go and getting over it. i am just emo today i guess.

i didnt want mr john to give me a lift today. sometimes i need time alone. i feel awkward around people sometimes. it was kinda hazy today. why doesnt she get the hint that i want to travel alone. stop asking! we have different styles of travelling and different objectives, no point wanting to do it together! argghh!!!

uncle hock chuan and co. appointed me as the team leader for the adult mission trip! its a BIG thing y'know. bleehhh!

i will go wherever You may go..

btw, i saw my hottie in the canteen. realised that he's not the intellectual type to hang out in the library. un-intellectual.. hais. hahaha..


(:

i spoke to kenneth today! hahaha! i wanted to ask him about his backpacking trip. seems like theres not much planning involved. it was just going and stopping and seeing. haha. sounds like i am capable of doing it too. he went for 2 weeks, i think i can manage for a month, if not just buy a return ticket. i think i want to go alone not because i dont have friends who might be interested, but i dont know who i want to spend a month with. a month is a bl**** long time with someone you cannot live with.

so after dr fernado's lesson, i went home alone. i saw kenneth and ernest on the bus and i was trying my best to avoid them cos i think ernest is rather not-so-friendly to people he doesnt know well. but he got off really soon, he stopped at westwood. so i said hi to kenneth la. and he is so jie-mei! not ian's sorta jie-mei, he is the kind that you can talk to forever! hahaa. he was like -sit next to me and then we started talking about the trips we took before, to thailand, vietnam and cambodia. haha. really awesome!

i think i will wear pants tomorrow instead of berms. cos i want to go for the movie screening of local shots then maybe i can watch another movie. since i am broke, might as well be really broke. i am skipping kickboxing in favour of sleep but the movie thing sounds good.

i am falling sick. like seriously ill. dying kinda sick. nopes. i am kidding but i have been sick so much more often and serious than prior to the cambodia trip.

its kinda tough pretending to be happy around people. like do crappy stuff etc. only to fall into the deep pit again..