::

2007-01-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

i finally met gu-ma. i tell you, she is so cool la.
shes like my grandma.. really cute!

heehee.

i am moving.

i bought 2 guitar picks today.

i am too lazy to skip today.

i grew fat today. i will eat lesser tomorrow.

i think i am watching the pickle king. i have decided that i never get round to watching anything when i start asking people to watch with me. so i have decided that i will just get my ticket on impulse.

wooh~

(:

2007-01-16T07:14:00.000-08:00

my attempts to quit blogging has failed yet again. haha.

i left last night with this

" I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me."

Psalm 13:6

i didnt steal this from ben's blog. the YE is walking through the bible and its the same schedule.

learning how to play the guitar makes this more relevant. cos i sing to the Lord each day despite being out of tune and lacking a rhythm. had God not been tolerant and patient, i think He would have shut me up already. haha. but God has been really good. in every way possible. i cant pinpoint any specific thing but being alive feels good enough.

i am contented because God is providing beyond me.

i am smiling like an idiot again.

anyway, i am on a diet.

(:

stop blogging

2007-01-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

i have decided to stop blogging, but i wont close down the site cos i dont know if you delete the blog, will the history be deleted as well.

i have decided that 2007 will mark the return to journalling on paper for shirley.

i painted today.

went out with daddy today.

started my new QT book today.

lamented at the crease that is not caused by me in my moleskine today.

thinking of getting a new blank moleskine even before starting mine today.

exercised today.

resolved to keep off fast food today.

decided to see if i am lactose intolerant. i think i am. mildly though.

by today i mean 1 jan 2007.

so today has been great.

hallelujah.

(:

song

2006-12-30T08:56:00.000-08:00

In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait
Only for You
‘Cause I want to know You more

I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more

I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onward
Pushing every hindrance aside
Out of my way
‘Cause I want to know You more

i was playing this as i was worshipping on my own today.
i really cant sing and i can hardly play the guitar while singing this song.

yeah.

(:

2006-12-29T21:10:00.000-08:00

i have hope.

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:21-23

i am going for meeting.

(:

2006-12-26T07:58:00.000-08:00

we were at upc&al house for mission debrief. i was always high on respect for upc, but after the mission trip, i think i have grown to adore him. he's such a wise and respected man, in church and at work, i believe, yet he can lower himself to the children that all the children adore him. i am serious. he wins children over like bees to honey, in singapore and cambodia alike. his love for God is so evident in the way he acts and speaks. his sense of humour is undisputed and his heart for mission inspires me. i remember as we were doing fundraising for takeo last year, we were selling crosses. it cost 7dollars for one. and he bought 8. one for each team member. it struck me so deeply. and his generosity and hospitality (his and al) awe me. haha. their house is probably the one i've been to most and their family the one i ate with most. haha. the tanglin club dinners. the 'long boiled' soup, paddy chicken, hahaha. indian icecream, coconut icecream, i tell you, he's so funny la.

haha.

i spent christmas in orchard road. haha. with kim for almost 10 hours. we volunteered at CCIS. haha. it was hard work. but it was awesome hanging out with kim. gerald joined us yesterday, cant explain my joy man! i am so glad he's back with us. welcome back to the YE!

we stayed over in church. hahaha. it was bridge all the way. gerald broke andrew's winning streak and ernie was tired till mackers arrived! haha. losers play solitaire showdown. it's really fun. i was glad i joined the kiddos lah. cos i didnt join them for a while cos of mission prep and then i didnt go for the camp. so it was great hanging out with the young ones.

i am really glad. have you seen the way God held and sustained so many things just this week again. think about christmas and the rain. it was humbling. and mission trip - takeo 06 - opened my eyes once again to Him and His awesomeness!

Gloria in excelsis Deo

(:

2006-12-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

after typing the beer post, i got a little sad.
it's christmas. i am thankful i am into christmas because it's about Jesus. and cos we kinda were hanging out today. i like the company today - ser, josh, leng and cat. they will not be the people i call when i am bored but it was awesome hanging out with them.

i saw an old friend's blog online and i was really keen on keeping it. like how i have been searching for past memories and trying to 'immortalize' them, but at the same time, i realise that i no longer miss anything or long for anyone in particular. i realise that acting autistic and being antisocial in school is a very real problem for me. it's not healthy i think.

i am gonna floss. then read and maybe draw. haha.

anyway, i saw thad thad today. aunty jenny ang said that without saying anything, she can see that i really adore thaddy. yeah. i do. he's really the light of my life sometimes! (: and it's kinda cool today cos ben asked if i could be his prayer 'buddy' sorta thing. i was honoured and i said yes. i pray that i will be faithful in praying for him!

(:

Christmas is about Jesus. praying that you will accept Jesus, a precious gift born to give you a new life in Him. Merriest&Blessed Christmas!

(:

2006-12-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

i think i am a good drinker. haha.
good thing i dont drink often. haha.
if not, i will be broke, drunk and fat. haha.

2006-12-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

having recently discovered the joy of flossing, i have been faithfully flossing everyday. hahah.

merriest and blessed christmas!

(:

2006-12-22T02:29:00.000-08:00

i passed my exams!! wahahahaha!!

first, thank you Lord for Your grace and mercy. i pray that i will be able to do the work You desire of me.

second, thank you Dr Teo. hahaha. the crappy math paper - i passed leh! hahaha.

thirdly, i need the loo.

(:

2006-12-15T02:30:00.000-08:00

i am home. prematurely.
everyone - i mean everyone is secretly pleased that my siem reap outing didnt materialise.
haha.
i am glad to be home because i felt that the Lord was the one who wanted me home most of all.

i feel like going out now.
i am fine already.

(:

2006-11-30T05:07:00.000-08:00

that's me grandma & me. with my uncle's new camera. haha. he bought a new camera to lend me. i am overwhelmed once more.

i saw SAM today! ITS SO AWESOME!

the men in my family are so.. erm.. its sth positive though. for now.

i thought of bringing my notebook for the trip because 17 days = lotsa photos. but i am not too keen. now i have 2 1G CF cards for li-en* and 2 1G + 1 512MB SD card for the new camera. so 4G + 512 MB means i dont really need a notebook. have to split between the two cameras though. (:

2006-11-29T06:20:00.000-08:00

exams over
went bookactually
bought books
went library
borrowed books
i am geek

had i not met ian, i would never step into bookactually
it carries an air of threat - to me at least
like asylum

i dont like the sakae sushi at the frontier
BAD SERVICE screams out loud

met stefanie
she got letters for the kiddos at SOH
so sweet right

saw cool~ sketchbook at bookactually
till i remembered i bought muji ones already
and i had a project i wanted to do
wahahaha

damien rice
leslie low
their music make good company

had a good day
the cherry on top of it would have been able to meet gerald
dude's not free though

oh well.
God knows. He really do. and He holds. i mean it.

(:

2006-11-26T07:44:00.000-08:00

pray for me for good stewardship of money
1. sponser a child for a year
2. for the aoral development of healthcare and education

* edited. 27nov
i dont even have to think about it by myself. haha.
must call uncle pakchee.
haha.

2006-11-25T19:39:00.000-08:00

dear people of the world:

eating alone can be an enjoyable affair, regardless of where it is.

so please stop staring at me!

(:

i've been eating alone alot. sometimes its good to have company cos you can order more variety. but eating alone is good too. you tend not to overeat/overorder. and you can take your own time and do your own stuff.

2006-11-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

tired.
very tired.
so very tired.

our costumes for puppets and drama are ready!
praise God!

feel like attempting one more chapter. but i am kinda dead already.
mission meeting tomorrow. this time for the children's team.

(:

2006-11-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

i really think that having lunch with people tomorrow is a good idea.

please apply below.

2006-11-20T07:41:00.000-08:00

tired. thankful for the ride that i so shamelessly asked for from uncle pakchee. one day is not a lot but i guess i took it quite badly because it messed with my schedule. i totally screwed up for the paper. there were concepts that i forgot and things that i remembered i forgot. but i wont fail my math module cos i have done rather well for the 30-40% from class participation to math quizzes. its just really bad. C, maybe C+. i have never been good in math.

i was waiting outside the HSSE office for about 15 minutes, waiting for someone to be in there so that i can collect my AAH234 essay. the office was not locked, but there was no one in there, so i just sat by and waited. dr rahil came by and she was like - what are you doing here? let me go in with you so you can just take your paper. so shes my hero! saved from waiting. dr wang didnt give me B! haha. he gave me A-. so ultra thankful la!!

tired tired tired!

today's devotion spoke very personally to me. my focus should and always be on God alone. let nothing distract me from His power, His grace, His mercies, wisdom, Him.

like daniel,

"...20Blessed be the name of God for ever and ever: for wisdom and might are his:
21And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding:
22He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.
23I thank thee, and praise thee, O thou God of my fathers, who hast given me wisdom and might, and hast made known unto me now what we desired of thee: for thou hast now made known unto us the king's matter." - Daniel 2:20-23

rest rest rest! mission training tomorrow!

my God is the God of gods, King of kings.

2006-11-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

i am kinda like really screwed up for my math exam tomorrow. thinking it is on the 21st, i have yet to prepare.

):

2006-11-13T20:30:00.000-08:00

那个被人爱的朋友,
你要好好的珍惜,
不见了,
我会大声地笑你的.

我想吃苹果,
可是家里只有香焦.

香焦坏了,不能吃了.

*伤心地哭了

哈哈.我还廷drama

2006-11-13T18:01:00.000-08:00

after sleeping through the 13th, i almost forgot:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DENISE SARA BRYAN!

welcome to adulthood.

(:

2006-11-13T17:50:00.000-08:00

the previous post sounds stupid now that i am reading it. my finger healed. and i just woke up from a 16h sleep. now i am good and ready to conquer the world, with webbie and God of course. but first theres exams to study for, photos to print out, errands to run for ming ghee and preparations for missions, which is a lot of things to do.

i am trying to get a book done for thad, not after i finish his daddy stuff first.

2006-11-11T06:40:00.000-08:00

i am hurt.

seriously. dont laugh.

hahaha.

hurt in the physical way.

not too serious either.

i kinda cut my finger and palm on the back of the saw blade.

hurts terribly though its not serious at all.

the pain has extended to my arm.

i am typing with my middle finger now.

ket and terry are going to melbourne now.

talked to ket. its so nice hearing a familiar voice on the phone to talk.

havent talked to anyone on the phone for a long time.

like talk about nothing at all.

bo liao stuff.

maybe secondary school.

cant bring myself to call anyone.

what if i disturb you?

haha.

i am pathetic.

ahahahhahaha.

hurts real bad.

cant wait for it to heal.

hope it is not getting infected or anything.

bleh.

2006-11-10T09:34:00.000-08:00

i felt alive today.
walking in the rain, and getting soaked to the skin.
cold winds and cold ice cream.
i thank God for the rain, it was a time of refreshing.
i thank God for trees, they provided shelter.
i thank God for puddles, cos they are awesome to jump into.
i thank God for cars, cos they make big splashes. the way i like it.
i thank God for thunders, though they scare me, they remind me of God.

i got back my essay. i got a B+ surprisingly. dr radin was pretty apologetic for giving me a B+. but if its not A grade, then it shouldnt get an A, so i pretty much thought that there was nothing to be sorry about. i will just work harder for exams.

if you pretend to be happy, people actually believe you then they will leave you alone.
so i will be smiling a lot more, if it makes you happy.

(:

2006-11-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

thats hon! haha. i just wanna put a picture but i dont know what. so here goes hon and the last year's ndp logo. i love hon's glasses. they are always so cool!

theres math quiz tomorrow and i am quite clueless about it. oh dear. counting on the grace of God.

i realise that i cannot come to terms with it. its just strange la. cant wait for november to be over, to get away from it all, especially dec14-17, thats my space. hahaha. i am autistic. maybe thats why i can teach clement. cos we are the same.

got other stuff to say, but i gotta practice for my math quiz. did i mention i scored 18.5/20 for my last quiz. 16/20 for the last last one. and 18-9/20 for the first one. i am quite the genius in the making. ahahhahahahaha. craziness.

i have decided to be a little pessimistic. cos thats me. (:

2006-11-08T19:09:00.000-08:00

my heart's desire.
i kinda screwed up big time this morn. i told aunty jen the correct thing then the wrong thing. wahhh!!!

its okay la.

do young people today think that life is a bed of roses? thats why they are not prepared for anything. oh well. i might be a little pessimistic.

anyway, i really like the pic of thaddy and mummy. i am gonna print it out and do something with it. and i must really find something of thaddy and daddy.

my left arm is aching. i took my influenza vaccine yesterday. i think its dumb.

hungry*

2006-11-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

thought this looked really sweet.

jo and thaddy

2006-11-06T09:15:00.000-08:00

got this from jinhui's blog. thought its so apt.
do you know my best friend? His name spells J.E.S.U.S!

2006-11-05T06:13:00.000-08:00

haha. so thad thad came today. ansel, thaddy, clement and i ate raisins together in the cry room. i made a little "get-well-soon" gift for thaddy. its a balloon ~~giffafe~~ giraffe. but i forgot cry room rule - you cannot make one of those. you have to make a dozen. ): clement took it first, then ansel, so little thaddy didnt get a chance to play with his gift. gwyn came to church for the first time. motherhood seems to be agreeing with doreen. rongchang looks happy. i can't imagine myself married or being a mother. its too surreal.

i am just really glad to see thaddy today.

i took my first communion after confirmation. its really surreal. haha.

wanted to show ya guys webbie and a narcissistic picture of myself. but the handphone bluetooth is not agreeing with the computer.

2006-11-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

my favourite lecturers over the years from tp to nie must be derek and dr wang. both men i look up to because they feel so strongly for their countries in a certain way.

and one of my top holiday destination is malate. i saw it on teevee once and i told myself i have to go there like this year or the next.

and guess what.

derek lives in malate. hahhaa.

malate, according to the documentary i watched is the art/design area in the philippines.

and i have always wanted to visit the philippines because you said that you wanted to go. but i guess it means nothing to you now though. still, i want to go there as much as i like cambodia and vietnam.

hahaha.

(:

2006-11-04T06:52:00.000-08:00

this week was too long yet there was not enough time. i am glad its over. do you know. i got 18.5/20 for my divisibility test! and dr teo said that only a handful got the last question correct. i saw my hottie today. 3 times. once as i was walking to math, twice in the canteen. how blessed. i kinda worry for the essay i handed in to a/p wang. if i can get a B, i thank God for the miracle. dr radin 's essay is sorta better. a B would suffice. i am not greedy, i have got no ambition whatsoever, in this honours program. 2nd lower would be good enough for me. i remember working really hard to remain on the director's list in TP. i did. thanks to the grace of God. i feel misunderstood. i am enjoying the wait. but i question its motives. i thought of going to holland v tomorrow. drinking my mocha and having my strawberry berry tart, but i am really short of cash. an appeal, if you would like to bless me for my mission trips, i would appreciate if you could give me a call. i now know why i dont see a doc. i dont know how to start describing whats wrong with me. i feel that being sick like this helps me understand grandma a bit more, either that, or we are both wrong. i went to aunty k's house today. had lunch with my dear little hannah. i had been so tired, but its such joy to play with that little one.

***

i went to the library today.
i wish i had more time in there. but i didnt have my phone and couldnt call my mom.
i want to do something. so i thought of something to do.
i hope i can finish it by christmas or sth.
i thought i could see thaddy tomorrow. but hes really sick.
one less thing to smile about.

i feel really tired.
i slept till 1.30 today.

life's like this.
~~essays.~~
mission meetings.
church stuff.
mission meetings.
BB/GB camp.
exam #1
exam #2
exam #3
exam #4
mission trip #1
mission trip #2
siem reap hols.
ye camp.
GESL #1
GESL #2
christmas.

sometimes i wish things would come to an end.
i had so much to say a moment ago.
but i guess some things are better left unsaid.
people like it better that way.

i wish i have a friend.
someone whom i can call to talk on the phone.
someone whom i can ask to have lunch or dinner with.
someone whom will sit by the roadside with me.
someone to go shopping with.
someone to go for coffee with.
someone who can teach me how to play the guitar and tell me i am too slow. or fast.
someone who can tell me that my drawings are not sad actually.
someone besides webbie.
webbie cant talk. or eat or drink for that matter.

anyway. more than anything, i would prefer someone to get me a new camera. wahahaha.

k. i will go dwell in my own depression for now.
you can rescue me. buy me a new camera! hahahah!

2006-10-31T07:35:00.000-08:00

hey jianfu, i am fine.

busy, sick (i thought i was going to die yesterday - bad backache, stomach ache, stomach cramp, and sniffling all morning) and growing fat are the three reasons.

hahhaa.

received an email from ming ghee. they always have this thing for making me laugh. so glad to be seeing her again this dec!! woohoo!

have i mentioned, all of them stays at earthwalker guesthouse when they go to siem reap. and thats the place i've booked! what good foresight i have! haha.

and last cell session, i was playing thy loving kindness on the guitar in the most boring strumming and my pastor had to play the same song in ten different styles. haha. hes so awesome.

and thad thad is getting cuter and cuter each week i see him. what an awesome little kid!

praise God cos i think i wont survive if not for Him.

(:

2006-10-28T04:32:00.000-07:00

i am mad mad and mad angry.

and really sleepy.

and coffee must be taken with milk.

(:

2006-10-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

thank you ms ros for inviting me to your house. its awesome! you are incredible man!

i wonder when i am older will i have that many friends to invite to my house. there were just sooo many people at her place, just so comfortable sitting there. while we were watching dvd, wq sir was slouching into the couch, ruixian ma'am and i were just leaning on it. it doesnt matter that i am only there for the 2nd time, its just so nice.

thank you aunty y for inviting me to your house. its great catching up with ya!

i am getting new birks! cos mr ernest asked if i wanted to get one cos they need to fulfill a certain amount to do away with shipping. i need something a little more serious than my tevas sometimes. so here it is. haha.

i am so dead for essay. i am no where near completion for dr radin's essay. and i have yet to start on dr wang's. oh boy.

(:

2006-10-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

i went to sleep at 12 last night. hahaha. but i finished uncle david stuff. i hope there's not much changes to make. aiyo.. quite scary! haha. but i am thankful already that it's finished. i am quite behind in my readings for my essay. i cannot go out for dinner tonight, i should go park in the library. the burma delta, by michael adas.

anyway, this is my favourite song that i have learnt in guitar class thus far (this coming thursday is the last lesson. i am kinda sad, but i think its good to take a break to prepare for exams and the mission trips, i can always continue later)

Complete
Here I am, O Lord
I bring this sacrifice, my open heart
I offer up my life
I look to You Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith will I walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

- Parachute Music

(:

2006-10-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

i cant bring myself to do anything today. i feel so tired that i want to go back to bed. but i slept from, friday (6pm) to this morning, 10am, then took an afternoon nap from 4pm to 6.30pm. oh dear. i feel like a pig.

i just remembered i got stuff to do for uncle david. feels kinda dreadful, esp when i havent finished the stuff for william.

but i guess i gotta do some work. i will try to finish the readings for dr radin and then attempt on my essay. at least i feel much better after clarifying stuff with him. well well, vietnam and burma, here comes shirley!

(:

2006-10-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

and so i drank 3 cups of coffee. the first being at the meeting and 2 through the night. the results - i managed to practise a bit of my guitar for todays lesson, and more or less finished the outline, albeit one sided for consultation with dr radin. actually i didnt have to see him today but i wanted to give myself some pressure to start working on the paper. and it kinded succeeded! and in the afternoon, i managed to read a bit about the japanese occupation of southeast asia and its impact on nationalism though it was not from any of the recommended reading (but i read a bit on ricklefs before). at least i have some background knowledge on the matter.

the coming day is another day of great trial. and i am a little airy in the head. too much coffee. and my stomach feels sick. i better go to school earlier to eat stuff - soupy food to warm my poor stomach.

anyway, i thought min's suggestion of polaroid (sp?) for the kids at takeo is awesome! i dont think they ever have a chance of receiving photos, so its really good! AWESOME JOB, MIN!

now i am itching between an LCA, digicam or the polaroid. i'll compare prices and see. hehee!

(:

2006-10-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

i was kinda disappointed by the ending of eleven minutes. even though i like happily ever afters, i thought she would be brave enough to follow her dreams. i dont know la.

bleh.

tutorial and consultation with snowman tomorrow!

COFFEEEEE!!

anyway, aunty jen asked if i was interested in going to hanoi, vietnam to teach english next year. during my hols. during the time that i have set aside for travel. how good is God's timing. i could go with them, then backpack the rest of it la! woohoohoo!! here i come, hanoi!

(:

2006-10-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

i feel so loved! thank you for asking me every year!! though i was the last and only one that year to join the family, its like you guys never forget me! THANK YOU!!

i am going to practice my guitar.

(:

btw, i didnt realise that my blog comment was restricted to users only. i have disabled that.

(:

2006-10-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

the red house is also my new house. my new life in Christ as what Bishop John Tan preached today. i got confirmed today. the entire service felt so surreal.

my first communion.

thanks to all those who made it extra special.

my 21st year on earth marks great excitement and significance.

(:

2006-10-14T10:31:00.001-07:00

yeeeehaaaa!

after all that insecurity and uncertainity about making the trip alone, i am okay already. i am not going alone after all. i bought some company. its name is webbie. i named it after a school friend from des. sounds cute right? webbie is a lego man with a camera. after buying it, i came home and ransacked my cupboard and found my lego set and made him a red house with a flat roof and flowers on top. the red house is not just for webbie but rather it encompasses my dream of owning a house/cafe thingy. so i am just materialising it on a very very much smaller scale. why red when i am always wearing black and stuff, cos theres most red blocks and i think i am more red than black. but i wont wear red, doesnt look very good on me. and red runs, my jeans was stained red in cambodia. haha.

i walked from novena to orchard today and they looked at me as though i was an alien. its kinda nice to walk. except for the haze which was a damper on my spirit. i enjoyed the walk alot. and i realised that my pumas are quite comfy to walk in. haha.

i have been collecting a lot of travel articles and stuff. and having worked with ro mama, kinda got me interested in wanting to go see the world. so heres my top 10 destinations, in no order of merit, let me know if you are interested, some are countries, because i have no idea where in the place i wanna go yet, or i really want to see the whole place, and some are cities and stuff, where i kinda know i wanna be there.

1. bali - especially after last year
2. thailand - phuket, koh samui, chiang mai
3. vietnam - hanoi, hue
4. tibet & china (esp shanghai)- though i consider them 2 different countries
5. malate
6. macao
7. india
8. nepal - cos peggy said she was going to take us there but she never
9. cuba
10. siem reap - cos i am a history student interested in cambodia, and the angkor wat is the only glorious part of their history so far

theres like hundred and one place i wanna go but heres top 10.

hahahhaha.

my brother found a guitar pick at home. its not mine. haha. we were wondering for the entire afternoon whose it might be.

(:

2006-10-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

i was thinking about my trip to takeo last year. the night before i left, i went to meet peiqi. as i was walking to the bus stop, i started crying because i felt really scared. yesterday, i felt that same kind of fear. about making the trip alone - is really scaring me. being in an unknown place, knowing no one, knowing nothing about getting there or getting home fills me with fear. yet at the bottom of my heart, i crave this adventure. i cannot put it off by saying, wait till i am older cos i think i am really old now. if i dont do it now, i think i will never get down to doing it. its my 21st birthday present to myself! so here i am people, pray for me when i leave for this trip.
14-17th december, siem reap. keep those days in prayers, for i will be exploring something that i have never tried before. then next semester, i can tell dr fernado, yups, i have been to the angkor wat. i will try to see the sunrise there. i will try if i am not too scared of the dark. anyway, backpackers inn got a lot of people. i will just learn to make friends. i will not pretend to be autistic. i will learn to make friends and get to know people. and ask if they want to see the sunrise in the angkor wat with me. i think i will be staying at the earthwalkers guesthouse. i am contemplating a twin room for myself or just bunk in one of those 4 people bunk. i think i need to ask aunty y to get me a ticket to siem reap when i go on the first. pray for good weather, cambodian roads are not all that good. a pity i have really bad motion sickness if not i might attempt to take the rail to somewhere.

anyway, i am getting confirmed on sunday. this sunday. and i will try to match the time i spend practising the guitar with reading the bible.

yups yups yupssss!

i am gonna do my readings. no more playing the guitar today. my fingers are sore already.

and yesterday i walked jolene to the mrt cos confirmation service rehearsal ended rather late and it was quite dark. shes sooo cute! after the rehearsal she asked if i was going home. i told her not cos theres cell that night in church. but i told her i will walk her to the mrt because it was dark. guess her reply? she said she brought that umbrella for that purpose and it would be dangerous for me to walk back alone. hahha. aint she so cute?!

I love You, I need You

Though my world may fall

I'll never let You go.

My Saviour, my closest friend

I will worship You until the very end.

- Jesus, lover of my soul

2006-10-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

i booked my air tickets already. its USD$85+S$100, its super ex la. my brother paid. i think i can delay payment till forever later. i was searching for guesthouses. then i realised i am super scared now. like, eh, am i going to stay alone, i am freaking out and dying now. but this is no.2 on my 43things. so i gotta do it alone. i am super scared!

i lost my guitar pick. i am really sad.

i have decided to get a new guitar. yea!

(:

loveshirley

2006-10-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

我的吉他老师给我一个廷好的评价.感谢主.
我终了跟妈妈说我又要去柬捕寨了.
hanyu pinyin is so difficult. if i had written in chinese, i would have finished. my mom is the last person to know i have decided to go to cambodia. but its only with her blessings that i have decided to stay till the 17th, then take a cab to tanjong puteri whatever golf resort on my own. i better start running again, in case i cannot run fast enough when something happens on my way there. hahaha.

(:

2006-10-12T00:18:00.000-07:00

i think i am extremely boring, yet i am enjoying every minute of my boring life. wahahaa.

my fingers on my left hand are swelling. boohoohoo. there's guitar test today and i cant switch from D effectively to Bm7.

i am happy!

(:

2006-10-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

i was at mackers this morn and i realised another reason for the need for company - hotcakes are hard to finish alone. i spent an hour finishing my hotcakes meal.

i am so glad my postcard to japan reached! yeah!

(:

2006-10-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

i understand the significance of marriage, having attended so many weddings. and i understand why we have friends. because when God made adam, He said its not good for man to be alone. but as i was walking down orchard around 10plus today, seeing people walking together, knowing or unknowing, i asked myself why do people get together. it is because they fear loneliness? or is there really security in numbers? i am giving myself till tomorrow to decide whether i want to stay in cambodia and come back on the 17th and take a cab to tanjong puteri whatever golf resort on my own. i am kinda scared and i wish that someone will come with me, but that kinda validates the point i made above. we crave company because there's security in numbers.

yah.

(:

2006-10-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

for a moment, the problem bugging me is not where my hottie from school hangs out in. but how come aunty elma is coming to cambodia with us. i have nothing against her. shes a nice old lady but i hate it when people use their seniority, ie, age to put people down. whatever la.

i should have gone out this evening. since mummy is not home and i dont have to think of a excuse not to have dinner with her. but i really dont know where to go. i dont wanna impose on the lokes by inviting myself to dinner with them, then again, uncle pakchee asked if i wanted to join them. i am sure they will like some family time.

the love of my life, thaddy is sick again. my heart aches for this baby. poor little fellow. just last week, we were hanging out at the manhatten fish market for dinner, playing peekaboo, and this week, hes missing out on church. but i am sure the Lord who created him will provide for him and his family. i trust in the Lord's faithfulness.

this couple of years as i am growing up, i am beginning to get fearful of many things. my grandparents are getting on in years, and i love them soo much. the things i cannot let go are probably my family. you can take away my camera, my money, but i wont allow you to take away my family. strangely, i dont miss my family much when i am away though i do think of them.

i am secretly, if not openly envious of people like ser, jer, lin and friends. they hang out together, going to kluang together and all that. i pray for friends like that, a bit crazy and wonky, but you know they are there when the world crashes. oh well..

(:

2006-10-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

i am not resenting anything anymore but perhaps i am still carrying the emotional baggage, not being able to let go and getting over it. i am just emo today i guess.

i didnt want mr john to give me a lift today. sometimes i need time alone. i feel awkward around people sometimes. it was kinda hazy today. why doesnt she get the hint that i want to travel alone. stop asking! we have different styles of travelling and different objectives, no point wanting to do it together! argghh!!!

uncle hock chuan and co. appointed me as the team leader for the adult mission trip! its a BIG thing y'know. bleehhh!

i will go wherever You may go..

btw, i saw my hottie in the canteen. realised that he's not the intellectual type to hang out in the library. un-intellectual.. hais. hahaha..

(:

2006-10-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

i spoke to kenneth today! hahaha! i wanted to ask him about his backpacking trip. seems like theres not much planning involved. it was just going and stopping and seeing. haha. sounds like i am capable of doing it too. he went for 2 weeks, i think i can manage for a month, if not just buy a return ticket. i think i want to go alone not because i dont have friends who might be interested, but i dont know who i want to spend a month with. a month is a bl**** long time with someone you cannot live with.

so after dr fernado's lesson, i went home alone. i saw kenneth and ernest on the bus and i was trying my best to avoid them cos i think ernest is rather not-so-friendly to people he doesnt know well. but he got off really soon, he stopped at westwood. so i said hi to kenneth la. and he is so jie-mei! not ian's sorta jie-mei, he is the kind that you can talk to forever! hahaa. he was like -sit next to me and then we started talking about the trips we took before, to thailand, vietnam and cambodia. haha. really awesome!

i think i will wear pants tomorrow instead of berms. cos i want to go for the movie screening of local shots then maybe i can watch another movie. since i am broke, might as well be really broke. i am skipping kickboxing in favour of sleep but the movie thing sounds good.

i am falling sick. like seriously ill. dying kinda sick. nopes. i am kidding but i have been sick so much more often and serious than prior to the cambodia trip.

its kinda tough pretending to be happy around people. like do crappy stuff etc. only to fall into the deep pit again..

2006-09-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

i went in search of my own happiness today. haha. i went to the one-room flat where my group was supposed to do. i walked and walked and couldnt find it until a long long time. before i went up the block of flats, i sat by the void deck and talked to this old lady with her granddaughter. but i chickened out when i went up the flat. i got scared and didnt dare walk down the corridor. yeah man. haha. as i was going down the lift, i talked to this old lady, i wished i talked a little more. i wish i walked down the corridor and talked to the lady sitting at the end.

oh well.

i got more to say but i am tired. after stretchfit and kickboxing.
instant gratification.

blah.

2006-09-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wish i can disappear. from the face of this earth. maybe just to the ends of the world. i think what i said yesterday was kinda wrong. if my world ever falls apart, i will not crumble under it, i will be crashed by the falling pieces because i dont think i ever will have the strength to stand up. where's God, you ask. well, if i have God, my world wont fall apart. yeps. thats where God is in my world. He holds it together. without God i have no one else. really. maybe not a definite really but somewhat close.

i was dreading each step that was taking me closer to home. had a really bad evening with ryan. it sounds so bad but sometimes i wish i could have given him that slap and then walk out on tuition. i know i cant. and i wont. i dont have a dysfunctional family. but i would want it to be more normal. with mummy cooking dinner and not having dinner at some 830 in the evening, daddy to come home every night and my brother to stop sleeping in the hall.

i wish i have the strength of mind to do the things that i want to do. like going on a trip alone. like finally getting down to drawing something that i can be proud of to put on a teeshirt to sell. to draw a book for myself. to get As for school. to start remembering things - like scripture and lectures. to donate money. to have a signature so i can stop thumbprinting my bank books. to stop splurging money.

some kids stop believing in santa at a certain age. i stopped believing in best friends around the same time too. summer has gone and beautiful autumn, i wonder when i will experience real autumn. till then.

(:

2006-09-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

i was thinking.. if my world ever falls apart. i will crumble under it.

just a passing thought.

i slacked the whole day. i better work through the night.

good morning!

(:

2006-09-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

25sept

some things need no explanation, justification or reason.

like why i dont talk to people in school.

like why am i afraid of crowds.

like why do i dislike loud noises.

like why i love my mum.

like why i think drinking coffee and drawing are the nicest things.

like why i believe eating fish makes me smart and fat.

i dont understand some things.

i dont understand why its so wrong for me to have expensive things.

like why its not okay to think its expensive to watch a move yet have a pair of glasses that cost 500dollars.

why my brother likes to sleep in the living room.

why i am so sleepy now.

why i prefer melancholy to others.

i need to take my shower and sleep now.

term break starts now!

woohoo~

2006-09-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

23sept

wisdom comes at a price.

i have a massive headache plus a swollen left cheek.

i dont know whether to remove the tooth now.

the earliest the dentist can see me is wednesday.

dont go to a dentist who has to attend conferences and gives lectures.

aiya.

2006-09-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

22sept

i got kissed today.

wahahahhahaha!

thad kissed me on the left cheek.

i practically jumped into the lift.

on a lousier note..

i think my left lower wisdom tooth is impacting the other tooth.

my gum hurts now.

whatever. i am not removing it!

2006-09-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

21sept

GOD IS FAITHFUL! AMEN TO THAT EVERYONE!

a load of my otherwise burdened heart!

guitar class has 3 people again. hahaha.

theres this 14 year old girl in the class. today we spoke a little more. and i am glad i am making friends. i am taking initative cos i am older by so much. i like her. shes quite cute!

school has been bad in a way. i havent been able to translate my thoughts into words.

one of my classmates goes backpacking annually or sth like that. i thought it was really awesome. i MUST talk to him soon. then maybe my trip will materialise next year!

woohoohooo~

2006-09-19T07:44:00.000-07:00

sept19,06

i really enjoyed the anglican history lessons we had with rev soon. maybe i really like history. and i want to know my anglican roots. and i esp liked it when he talked about independent churches. i think theres this tinge of biasness. then again, i dont disagree.

i am extremely sleepy. and i am extremely glad i am not putting on weight! hahaha.

i wanna travel travel travel.

this lady nudged me on the mrt today and said my drawing is nice. thanks man!

remember radiance? someone drew in my new sketchbook the way she did. hehe.

summer's over. autumn is here. bye bye.

(:

2006-09-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

i thought i will revert to my own template cos its small and cute and hard to read. hows this people? hahaha.

2006-09-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

i was quite random today. especially after worship. i kinda rushed through the masterlife bits and started talking. studies is not an end to itself. we really need to chill man!

rachel was commenting how sad my blog was. i told her i was naturally depressed and sad. haha. but i am making the effort to cheer up. you cant say you got the joy of the Lord and yet be depressed right? dont comment otherwise. joy shows up on the face..

anyway, its a great sunday!

(:

2006-09-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

i am gonna sew something for violet. i dont know what yet, but it gotta be something pink. cos i only have pink felt. hehehe.

maybe i can make her a little book too.

hmm.mm..

i think sometimes people take things too literally.

you give me the creeps.

lalallaa.

2006-09-16T05:12:00.000-07:00

yes papa! thanks lots for the thought!

(:

2006-09-15T23:29:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was moody and sick.
i overslept.
my printer printed at one page a day for the crucial morning.
i paid 20bucks for the taxi to school.
i grabbed the wrong pile of notes for my morning tutorial presentation.
i puked upon reaching school.
yesterday the surrounding was just one big freezer.
feeling emo and hungry, i asked a ~~few~~ lot of friends if they wanted dinner.
then again, who would want to eat with a random person on a friday night.

so i went home.
and along the way, i cleared most of my phone book.
wahahahhaa.

you know those people you never call and their names are in there.
they take up space in the sim memory. so i took them away.

yea.

2006-09-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

lovejianfu. not!

hahhaa.

such a lovely day to sleep in.

(:

2006-09-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

i was out with SL to meet terry&ket who were back from cambodia for a little while. it was awesome meeting them. but as i was walking from citylink to esplanade, i saw the cute guy from the library with his girlfriend. sob sob, so disappointing.

WAHAHAHHAA!

i am only kidding. he's only marginally cute. i will go look for cuter people.

belgium is next in the list of desired places to travel too.

met aicheng and priscilla in the morn. we realised we are ultra scared of boss even though he's our ex now. hahaha.

i am tired.

i am doing the next tutorial - account for the rise of CCP and the fall of KMT in the 1940s. boohoohooo. but it's sorta straightforward, so i guess it's fine. if there's no cell this friday, i will go to the art museum.

and yea.. i cant believe what i heard today... WAHAHAHAHHA!

i dont understand what makes me depressed and what tickles me silly.. but i know God's mercies are new every morning.

loveshirley (:

2006-09-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

i feel that i am living in my own world.

anyway, theo and tina wrote such nice emails! woohoo!

(:

2006-09-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Finland is has been added to my desired holiday destination. having met people from there (exchange students during poly days), written postcards to people there and having received postcards from there, i wanna visit the place man! the land of santa claus! hahaha.

not exactly an awesome, but i got nothing to complain about. i wanted to go for a talk but we took the wrong bus, so i got company for breakfast/lunch/dinner at JP.

i reached home to RECEIVE FOUR AWESOME POSTCARDS!! i was really glad and almost jumped at that moment.

i need to reach home earlier from now on. my neighbour commented in the lift - 'so early ah' at seven plus in the evening.

guitaring is fun. hahaa. at least i am having fun practising. hehee. i really need the structure to help me learn. i know 8 chords now! hehehee.

hahaha...

(:

2006-09-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

i love the smell of the kitchen and the fridge after working with lemons!

lemon butter is tasty. yum yum!

mummy bought the ceral i like. yay!

something kinda strange happened today.
grandpa bought his granddaughters a gold necklace each.

i went to starbucks alone today and i enjoyed it.
i wonder why i have not been doing that.

i need a vegetable peeler and a new knife!

i got my measuring cups today! wahaha!

six people had viewed my friendster profile since 3/9/2006.

have i mentioned my guitar class has only 3 people.
and we graded each week. oh dear!

aicheng is pregnant! woo! and we are meeting on tuesday! double woo!

each day feels either a wait or a struggle.
oh dear! why am i so depressed.

well well well...

2006-09-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

i really wanna travel.
so i am appealing for a travel partner.
no preferred gender/age/whatever.
for a period from 5may-24jun.
(thats all the hols the government is giving and paying for)
vietnam - hanoi
cambodia - siem reap
thailand - chiang mai
malaysia - MELAKA!!!!! (my dream destination!!)
(these are just some places i wish i can visit)

if no one wants to go then i have to beg my mummy to let me go alone.

yeah.

2006-09-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

on and off, i will think about my teaching degree. a childhood ambition, a calling and almost somewhere a little in the distant, a gift. it is what i feel what God wants me to do, but at the same time, i feel that it is very restrictive and it is suffocating me. i can never, in the next seven years say that i want to take a break and leave for a year. i dont know, but perhaps this is God's provision of a structure and discipline He know i lack. whatever it is, pray that patience manifest in my life so that i can wait to see the Lord's glory in its fullness.

i start my proper guitar lesson on thursday. it is pretty exciting. anticipation is always exciting. thats why i try not to read the end of the book or finish a show too quickly. but i lack the patience.

i wash my long hair for the last time, i hope. except after gym tomorrow. hahha. chopping off my hair.. its too tedious to wash it and dry it and tie it and brush it daily.

had dinner with daddy and mummy and eric today. patrick is still in china and is coming back soon. i need to clean his jacket and make it look like i havent used it at all. hahaha. i was talking and talking and talking during dinner. i hope everyone was happy during dinner at least.

i need to go out and play in the sun. i havent seen the sun for a long time. but theres NO time!! hahaa. heck la. i will just sit in the sun in school one of these days.

(:

2006-09-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

i am tired.
the ladies retreat was a blast, so to speak.
coming home was awesome.
received emails from mingghee and terry.
I LOVE MINGGHEE'S EMAILS!
katerine received the postcard and she likes it!
YE was pretty usual.
letting go of bitterness is a small thing that brings big relief.
i am tired.
ZZZzz.

GOD IS AWESOME!

2006-08-25T01:52:00.000-07:00

remember the teacher with the goatee i saw during my school experience.
i saw him in school today.
see, interesting facial features get noticed easily.
i should start growing hair on my face.

hahahahhahaa.

i am really happy! i got the MY LOVELY SAMSOON dvd from friend already.

woohoooooooo~

2006-08-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

我是伟大的. 因为我有梦想.

人因梦想而为大.

我为
...将来想到柬捕寨教书而努力.
...将来想做一位好老师而努力.
...将来想去背包旅行而努力.
...将来想做一个好老婆而努力.
...将来想做个有人愿意买我的设计的设计师而努力.
...将来想要当咖啡店老板而努力.
...将来可以让我爸妈过的舒舒服服而努力.

我会努力的.
因为人都须要一个终点.

这是我希望我努力的终点.

那美好的仗我已經打過了，
當跑的路我已經跑盡了，
所信的道我已經守住了。
提摩太後書4:7

2006-08-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

dr wang gave me the A for last semester's paper. hahaha. i was jumping with joy and filled with glee when he acknowledged my A paper in class. a bit embarassed though.

we are talking about the may4th now which led him to talk about some school in NUS that was ranked 16th in the world.

his schoolmate's (probably from princeton or somewhere who lectures in NUS) reaction - what number 16th? *in disbelief.

i thought it was funny. then again, whatever dr wang says entertains me.

(:

2006-08-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

i am really really really really really happy today.

first, i am not screwing up in dr fernando's class anymore. at least not big time. he was asking questions today and he had to ask me the most difficult one - when was railways and roads extensively built in southeast asia. boy, it's hard man! before that, diana was looking at ian and asking, you know anot? it was pretty hilarious seeing their 'under table dealings' being carried out so openly. i was clueless as well. i just blurt out - 1860s and i am super thankful its being close. it was the mid 19th century.

second, impulsively i decided to get down the bus at boon lay drive and look for a ms tan. it was one of the recipents of the letters that the kids at seeds of hope asked me to 'send'. i went once but she was not at home. i was so thankful i stood at the door longer than i wished i would. and being able to witness the joy in her face when she received the letter made all the trouble worthwhile. i remember praying on the way up. God so graciously answered the prayer. thank you God! but.. silly me left my shoebag outside her house. i realised it when i was reaching the bus interchange. it took me another 20 minutes or so to walk back.

third, my postcard reached! yayy!! and she liked the flying pig. hehehehee. i am so glad! i sent another one to reply monique today. i hope it goes well. 26 days already and its not there yet. i am worried. but still.. its a happy day and i praise God for everything!!

fourth, sooling said she will lend me MY LOVELY SAMSOON! i was about to buy the DVD. SOOLING! IF YOU EVER WANT TO LIVE OFF ME FOR THE NEXT MONTH, I WILL GLADLY LET YOU DO SO!! WAHHAHAHAHA!!

(:

2006-08-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

i like revisiting what i have written, sometimes i feel a sense of achievement though no one really understands my point. i cant find a couple of my journals. i stopped journalling after coming back from cambodia. maybe thats why i feel a little lost. i lost my love for journalling and drawing. perhaps i have been drawing strength from past experience instead of God.

i stared a long time into the mirror before i took my shower today. i realised that i grew to love to play with my hair. cos its longer than i ever had before. i like it. and i realised how silly misplaced determination is. i am glad i text messaged my friend and she replied. perhaps she will never know how she jolted me out of my silliness. haha. what a hairy issue.

i didnt draw anything after i finished the drawing for ian. he never complain leh. i know i put in effort into making that illustration, but sometimes effort dont exactly equal results. i hope he is pleased with the illustration.

i am gonna start drawing again. and because of that, some people in church will probably start receiving presents before Christmas. i never liked my self-directed, no direction project. knowing that someone will get something makes me happy and that is a good direction. ps william taught that our spiritual gifts are given to bless people.

cough mixture is being taken like some funky sweet drink lately - carelessly. i kinda like its taste and it works, so i am taking it seriously. it helps soothe the poor throat and does not hurt the stomach. i like. but it causes drowiness. so i only take it at night.

one of my little joy now is to write postcards and receive them. but it hasnt reached yet and i am upset. boohoohoooo.

2006-08-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

i realised as much as i dont want to confront it, i have been trying unsuccessfully to reconcile something with myself.

it is a painful struggle.

but i will make it through.

meanwhile i am trying to think of something to draw.

till then. farewell.

(it will be real soon till we meet again.)

2006-08-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. go away. get out of my life.

i dont like it when people mess up my plans just because they cant be bothered. its just a matter of walking more and going earlier to find out.

ANNOYING!

2006-08-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

THIS HAS TO BE THE BESTEST WEEK EVER EVER SINCE I CAME BACK.

THANK YOU GOD!

i received a message and it just so awesome how God is working even without me asking!!

but today's baking is not too good.. i over-baked half the batch.. reminds me of how MG's mother turned up the temperature instead of turning it down.. and we got half the cake left.

i remembered how MG told me that her mum was baking.

i spent toooooooooooooooo much money yesterday and i am still regretting it. oh well. it doesnt matter anymore i guess. i pray that God will grant me better stewardship of my money.

ALLYWALLY! i miss ya too! hohohohohohohoohhooohoooho!! be a good girl in school ya!

(:

2006-08-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

ming ghee replied - singaporean style - shes so funny even in her emails.
and in susan's email - she said she got letters for me. i hope we can meet up, friday brunch or sth. must think of a place to makan.

i really thank God for the teachers or rather friends i have made in cambodia. they are making so much effort to help us maintain the link with the students and the school. its awesome. these people are awesome.

i am like - cheating my tuition kid out of games. we had a 10 min break which didnt work out cos the game i brought didnt work. at the end of the lesson, it didnt work out too. so he studied for more than what he should have gotten. plus the fact that i was early and we ended late. i really hope he improves. cos he has some potential, maybe except in chinese la.

this week's awesome cos i know He's in charge. and its amazing how you can be absent but He's always there.

this may/june/july break had been the most awesome i had so far. the absence of school and you. plus the good stuff - the break in cambodia and vietnam, timin's wedding, good weather, the clean room, me not making my mom as angry as before, ...

i saw edgy leo today as i was waitin to cross the road. i heard a low mumbling noise and i thought it sounded familiar. viola. its indeed a friend man!

i am going to have tea with uncle william tomorrow. we got work to do!

SL and myself are having dinner at the kuas, uncle ws hadvery kindly agreed to do a review with us about the trip!

I MUST REMEMBER TO WATCH AND RECORD THE SHOWS THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO WATCH AND RECORD IN SEPTEMBER! I AM REALLY SCARED I WILL FORGET.

SIGH!

(:

2006-07-31T20:55:00.000-07:00

i like this song!

If I can sing
Let my songs be full of His Glory
If I can speak
Let my words be full of His Grace
If I should live or die
Let me be found pursuing this prize
The One that alone satisfies
The Treasure of Jesus

- Treasure of Jesus, Steven Curtis Chapman

2006-07-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

the past week was an emotional roller coaster ride.

but this week has been awesome so far!

HEY JENNI! i THINK FINLAND MUST BE AN AWESOME PLACE!

i received my first postcard. sent out two more.

received an email from susan! she's back in singapore!

WELCOME HOME! SUSAN!!

yeah..

(:

2006-07-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

there ought to be more to a woman than ass, boobs and legs.
there is something called BRAINS!

so yea.

terry sent us an email. one of the students wrote us a letter. its really nice. its all the little letters like this that provides the link between us and them..

i had an orange this morn. its really delicious.

(:

2006-07-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

i am a skeptic on top of being a pessimist.

sometimes its really hard to move on.
but MOVE ON, STUPID.

hahaa. this applies to many things.
CCAs, relationships, everything...

taking the first step out of red cross was the best thing to happen to me. when i helped out earlier in the year, in my anger, i forgot to say the 'politically-correct' thing and i went - i am trying so hard to get out of here and here you are, doing everything to get in. i hope they will credit me when they use my line next time.

when things become meaningless, not so because it fails to interests you, but when it turns sour and there is no reason for wanting to do it, and it is starting to bother people and upsetting others and yourself, then its time to move on.

it was so easy to be selfish, self-centered, sarcastic in there. you begin to think that the world revolves around you, but it doesnt. selfishness is so real. you want things to go your way and when it doesnt, you wail and you pout, no i'm kidding, when it doesnt, you start raising your voice and starting stuff around. i dont whats worse, acting like a kid or throwing someone's proposal - BOTH EQUALLY ANNOYING AND ATTENTION SEEKING.

moving on takes alot of courage. you just sink deeper and deeper unless you take the first move. but MOVE, STUPID.

to those who had the courage to move - CONGRATS.
to those who are still stuck in the rut - i guess its fine till you become the whiney and annoying idiot who irritates the * out of everyone. dont 执谜不悟.

yea.

this is actually a celebratory post if it isnt too obvious.

-_-*

2006-07-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

the good thing about being a pessismist is that you hardly get disappointed!

ubin was great. hmm.. as in, i always liked ubin because ubin meant endless walking. and i always enjoyed that. we could do with a little running though. God is awesome today. it was not too hot, neither was it wet. my skin is rather sensitive towards the sun and it gets red quickly, esp on the face. i am not even rosy today and it goes to prove how good the weather is today! but information overload. and not exactly the kind that is appreciated. i could do with more walking and less talking. my partners today - vanessa x2. they are lovely girls! i was a walking fridge and i carried waterbottles for three little ladies. xinxin is EXTREEEEEMEEEELY CUTE! she looked at me with her big eyes and asked - ARE YOU IN SEC ONE? i was so amused. but at seven, secondary one is indeed quite far away. i thought the kids were pretty awesome today. everyone was pretty well-behaved except the bit that they were all complaining about being tired and hungry. so i can say that the trip has been enjoyable!

a friend commented that i am less melancholic and much happier after my trip. yes and no, i would say. i dont know why.. but being happier is not what i strive to be..

i emailed this lady yesterday and she replied so promptly. and i believe shes a busy woman who took the effort to reply on a saturday evening. awesomeness!

i havent been able to focus lately. not sure if its just the glasses - i need to change them.. or its me. my thoughts have been hopping from one to another.. and i cant seem to do the important things..

bleh..

(:

2006-07-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

this is probably the nicest thing pete had ever said to me.

Hi Shirley,
It’s nice. And well composed too.

was reading old emails and hoping the headache dies away..

2006-07-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

i think i might be the most irritating adult in all the world. but i dont really care cos if i were to care about everything, then life's gonna be miserable.

i had pepper lunch today. so yea.

i am not watching any plays anymore. i spent all my money on postcards. wahahaha.

imagine..

Jesus' a product.

and one day this product doesnt work.

What are you gonna do?

but the thing is, Jesus' not a product. He's more than a miracle worker, healer, provider, He is God. King of kings and Lord of lords. He choose when to work and when not to, He can, but He doesnt have to.

i got slightly disturbed today. doesnt help that i am feeling hungry now..

i am getting a L-CA if its still available with next month's pay. life's short, i am gonna enjoy it!

and then i gotta bring li-en* to the doc.

kinny - i do kb at amore.

-_-*

2006-07-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

i just felt like posting something..
i am gonna watch homesick but i am not going for forbidden city.

my first job was when i was 16+. it was a crappy man.. i sold stuff at east coast park. i hated that. but it was still kinda fun sometimes. i met a little kid there and he calls me da jie and he called me a week ago. strange. but its fine i guess. my second job was tuition. he was a crap student but we managed to get As together so i got a big fat bonus at the end of it all. his mother was really generous. i will always remember the day i started my tuition job. it was my 17th birthday. and after the lesson, i walked to my old place trying to catch a glimpse of how it looked. and from that day on, i never asked my mother for pocket money. and i am paying off my polytechnic school fee now. i am writing because i know what its like to work for something and how it irks me that there are people who takes things/people for granted. my poly friends worked harder than i did. i always had alternative if i wanted to, just ask mummy for money la. but others had no choice. some worked to pay rent, others worked so that they could get married, there were people who worked to pay school fees and feed their family while studying. studying in TP with those friends put a lot of things into perspective for me. it helped me to appreciate what grace meant and what it is to receive kindness. it taught me not to takes things/people for granted.

so dear people, when someone is kind to you, be thankful.
and when someone is unkind to you, that is kinda like life, y'know, so dont complain.
and dont go around expecting things from others when you dont want to give anything in the first place. i am not saying kindness is an exchange, but do to others what you want others to do unto you.
theres alternative to asking people to get things done, ie. do it yourself - you can search the directory, google it, call 100 to ask...
its okay to go all out to get things done for people, and what people do that for you, be thankful. and dont go round expecting for people to do that for you all the time.

independence, initative, manners are conspicuously missing from young people today.

ranting and ranting and it will go on and on till it gets through some skull..

bleh.

2006-07-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry when i was going home from ryan's house though he didnt cause all that anger in me. i walked home from kallang cos i didnt want to be angry at home. no one at home deserves it. so i counted steps and that helped. then i reached home and received messages that added to that 'anger'. i am gonna hide my phone. ~~and planetshakers have 2 days that they are performing, if you dont indicate, i WONT BUY TICKETS FOR YOU. DONT ANNOY ME ANYMORE!!!!!~~

BUT

i received an incredible email!! and it was awesome.

and i am smiling again. but i am putting away my phone..

-_-

2006-07-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

one hundred and one reasons why i dont like to go for plays/movies with friends unless its a spontaneous act.

1. they usually cant make up their mind and are fickle and they ask lots of questions and you wonder why you asked them in the first place.

fine. its just one reason but its enough.

i ended my bad day after i doodled with my paintbrush and then i met up with the girls for kickboxing. then again, kb had no kick, so i came home and skipped some more. but some people's bad day lasted longer and they still tried to make it work for others. i always admire people who can put off their own bad days and still be kind to others.

well.. we had good bak kut teh after kb. yum yum and then mr and mrs loke sent me home despite the long day they had.. hope they have a good rest!

(:

2006-07-25T03:53:00.000-07:00

but jf.. if you wanna eat pepper lunch with me, you must take queue number. WAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAA!!

when is ek booking out? and your 18457th (or whatever the number) wife back from aussieland right?

lets go out and drown ourselves in coffee..

what are you busy with ah? saturday not free to help at CAC..

lallallaaaa..

i am not in the best of moods today. first, i cooked instant noodle and it turned out a little too soggy for my liking. then the meat was too salty cos i put too much oyster sauce. i shall thus ban oyster sauce from my cooking. then i got hungry and went to mackers. the food was horrid. but i finished it all. then i started doodling with my paintbrush. i used so much red today cos i felt red so effectively portrayed what i want to feel - anger. then the whole canvas turned out crap. it was a mess after i am done. my glass is dirty now. my brushes are dirty. then my however you spell it thingy got a tinge of pink on the otherwise brown/black/white surface..

i am going kickboxing.. the phone is ringing, i dont like ringing phones..

):

2006-07-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

i think its strange.. i get kanchiong when i make plans to call people. i took out my teacher's number from my room and i could feel my heart beating faster. hahaa.

i wanted to type a lot more.. but aiya.. i want to eat pepper lunch..

hahaha..

2006-07-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

i need to remember the juice i have been drinking is not apple juice. it tastes exactly like apple juice but it is actually cranberry and kiwi.

kinny - i was crapping in my last post. i was too tired yesterday.

i had a lot of fun in confirmation class today. those kids are so young but its just fun playing with them. but i guess we might have frustrated aunty k with our rubbish, so much of it.

the twins are monstrous. hahaa. they really are. ben you are awesome to be living in the same house as them. the secondary twos are an awesome bunch of kids i must say. they are sometimes a little weird and all, but they are good kids. i hope they are good in school and at home too! so, yes, sec 2, this is aunty shirley complimenting you publicly on my blog. say your words of thanks, remember your manners.

went out for dinner with minny and uncle timmy.. haha. i went out with the lokes, 1/5 of the pflug and the chans. haha. it was awesome, and i am glad i went out with this group of 'old' people instead. they are very humourous and big hearted people. uncle pc says he never knew i can eat so much. i was stuffed to my face after dinner. we gave dessert a miss even. haha.

tianyu messaged me. i was amused/thankful by his msg. thankful cos he asked whether i wanted tics for planetshakers. amused cos i dont supposed he knows me really or even knew i was a Christian.. whatever, i am just thankful la.. i hope theres still tickets tomorrow. i wont mind missing it though cos i am afraid of crowds la..

2006-07-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

i had kit chan sitting in front of me just now. i wanna watch forbidden city.

anyway, the dresser was awesome beyond words. it was brilliant. think tonight's the last show and i am glad i watched it. the 52 dollars spent was worth every cent. the cast was great. i really liked the set. i like the way the 'wall' was translucent so there was more acting behind it. it was good lighting, good acting, good set, good script, great cast.. i liked this so much more than 金大班. maybe cos for the latter i was busy reading subtitles. hahhaa. it was in chinese.

i liked the way how the dresser is such a faithful friend, knowing everything and fiercely protecting the one he serves. i wish i have a friend like that. i liked the scene where they did the storm scene. i liked the way they created the storm. it was love/hate for the ending. i hated the sad ending. i dont like sad endings. i like happily ever afters. but when sir died and the dresser was berating sir for being selfish and all, he was just upset that sir left. its with all people aint it? that sometimes the people we love simply leaves and we rather they be selfish while with us instead of selfishly leaving us behind. kinda unfair huh.. yea.. i was very touched by that.

people have asked why i watch movies/plays alone. to me, cos we dont get to talk while we are watching it but i think their concerns lie in the fact that there is a time before it starts and ends and there is an interval. i try to forget those times, if you get what i mean. then if you have friends who are more often late than punctual, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to know why i dont usually meet people.

i am a serious person. and i often consider consequences further than they will turn out to be. like, if i were to call a friend, or message someone online, i will think of all the things the person may think of me, often in the negative, then i usually dont call or message. at the same time, i delight in the littlest things in life. i was jumping with joy when i sent my postcard. heeheeheee. *big grin* these days, i enjoy hanging out in my clean room. and not going out. and while i realised that i gained much from my hiatus from the world, i found out that i lost the patience to do the things i once took pride in, like writing neatly. i hope aunty k will not read the journal thing we are supposed to do our QT for confirmation class. it is so messy.

i am incoherent. i am tired.

lalalalalalala
lalallalallaal.

time passed so fast. angela ma'am and stephen sir got married and weiqing sir and shili ma'am have a baby.

wow!

i need to find a husband..

whatever..

hahahhaa.

i am delirious.

(:

2006-07-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

sitting in the hospital ward for five and a half hour gives me a new perspective on hospital life. i dont like the way medical students make a fool of patients. especially old ladies.

i hate most medical students doing their internship in hospitals as much as i detest trainee teachers.

BLAH!

2006-07-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

if you are happy and you know it, shout SHIRLEY

SHIRLEY!

its a not bad day.
i did a lot of things today.
i cooked.
i visited my grandma.
i was just thinking if anyone has time and wants to visit her, maybe it will do her some good. i heard my cousin brought his troop of friends to the ward and it kinda made her more alert.
i went down to raffles city.
bought my ticket. i thought i wanted the matinee one but i got the 8pm instead. blah.
i thought it was at the esplanade. but its at DBS arts center. oh well. i got a pretty good seat. i pray that all that attends the sat night show are shorties and bald, so i can see the stage even better without all those highly gelled hair... hahahha.
i bought a comic book for 15 dollars.
i ate ben & jerry. hehe. chunky monkey.
as a result of that, i can fit in dinner.
I SENT MY POSTCARD!!
its amazing how the post office opens till 8 on wednesdays!
woohoooooooo~
it cost a dollar to send a postcard to the US and europe.
and about 13 plus dollars to send a book to cambodia.
yea.
i am friend of the post office!
i was at bendemeer sec the last week.
and that school is really near my house.
i was walking in the mrt station today when i heard whispers.
the next thing i knew - THAT ONE IS OUR LAO SHI, MS SEAH, MS SEAH, HELLO :)
they are so cute.

hehehee.

lallalalaaa..

(:

2006-07-19T03:50:00.000-07:00

i like this song..

I don't propose that we preserve
All the world inside a fragile ball of glass
'Cause I'm the first to throw the curve
Bringin' all that perfect ball down in a crash
Oh, it's that feelin' comin' back again
Turnin' earth around and pounding sirens in my head
Well there's only one cure that I know for sure
And it goes on and onIt goes on and on

Chorus:And when it all is said and done
Until the end
Yes, You're the only one
And when the world is in reverse
You're the Saviour of my universe

I don't suppose I'm prone to trouble
Though I always do the very best I can
My universe a leaky bubble
Pinned by a friend
And then only did it expand

Oh, it's that feelin' comin' back again
Turnin' earth around
And pounding sirens in my head
Well there's only one cure
That I know for sure
And it goes on and onIt goes on and on

2006-07-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

i saw how much i love my grandmother when i was cooking today. i started cooking at 10 for a meal to be eaten at 2 plus. hmm..

i hope she likes it..

(:

2006-07-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

i was looking at ben's blog and thought the incident ended real well with 'dad' stepping in and putting an end to the 'discussion'.

my dad doesnt know my blog exists. he probably dont know much about me because he doesnt really have time to care. anyway, my point is, its really interesting to know how other people's dads interact with their kids.

i cleaned my pigsty. its less of a pigsty now. i changed the position of my bed with the one person sofa seat so that i dont waste the space in front of the chair. yea. so now the bedroom looks bigger. i pray that i have discipline to maintain the cleanliness. oh well. lets just see how long it will last.

the jacket i bought at the sale had a loose hem. and i was so upset on sunday. but me with good sewing skills hemmed it back so neatly and nicely. the only time when you will notice is that the new thread i used is 2 tones off the original. i had to make do with what i have. thank God my brothers went through NS, i think thats the thread my mother used for their uniform.

min asked why i wake up so early. not just to cultivate a good habit but also to ambush the karung guni man. hahaha. i have old clothes to give away..

lalaalalaa.

I AM GONNA WATCH MY FIRST MOVIE OF THE YEAR TOMORROW. if only i remember. haha.

2006-07-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

i am kinda mixed up today.
sad cos grandma's still in hospital. i think i should ask my uncles to move her to AH. uncle weng sun's there and i think he is a very good doctor in every way.

i was late for confirmation class. i went to see grandma in the morn, expecting to see my uncle there when its time for her to have lunch. but i think my uncle had to work today so he couldnt be there, and i didnt want to leave her alone for lunch. so i stayed on till she finished and helped her to wherever she wanted to go. grandma holds an umbrella for a cane. i told her not to use the umbrella today when she wanted to go to the toilet. i told her i will be her umbrella. heehee. took a cab down cos i was late already. felt so bad. so old already yet so late. cant help it. thanks for understanding.

my thoughts werent sorted out during BS today. i was pretty confused and i think i sounded that way. oh well.

we went to give out flyers after BS. it was really fun. me, rach, ian, grace, wenping, nic and juan. we were the last to get out of church i think. maybe sarah's later but we had two blocks to cover. we had fun, really. then we went to dawson for lunch cos we were starving. the food took too long to arrive. bleh. we had silly talks there but it was sure enjoyable. hope rach is feeling better from her cough.

i bought three teeshirts and a pair of jeans. i really lost weight. haha.

john's vietnamese friend came to visit. hai dang. yup. they - juan, sarah, ian, gerald, yanleen went to the supermarket with me. i looked so aunty after that. bought meat, poultry, marcaroni, juice, MUSHROOMS! haha. they looked so pretty. i am so gonna cook tomorrow.

and after that. i am gonna buy postcards! hmm. mm. mmm.. i am kinda happy.

i have an ulcer after a long time of not having them. it hurts really badly.

i am gonna get confirmed at the end of 10 weeks or so. i feel excited. is that a right feeling?

whatever!

(: