is it wise to hold on to something meaningless? what is meaning of meaningless? i am really puzzled. vanity of vanities.

we were learning about dealing with emotions at cell yesterday. because i said that my greatest issue is anger, rongchang said that i am growing fatter because i am not verbalizing my anger. thats crap but they kinda made a list of issues i supposedly have/need.
1. anger management
2. low self esteem
3. i will explode anytime (josh said that rather nonchalently)
4. manage expectations
5. i presume they would have said this about me if they knew, to stop talking too much to myself

hmm. i dont think i have all the problems listed above. but i think i really need to find a healthy avenue to direct my anger. i direct my anger at myself. i am angry with myself for being stupid, etc. etc. yea. i dont need help as of now.

was talking to ian over sms that day. i complain too much. and i need to respond in love to many things even though i do not verbalise it. i get mildly to seriously annoyed with people daily. i think i need a lot of personal space after exams. i need to slow down my already slow pace of life and get in touch with God and myself. i need to remind myself not to fear but to face things bravely with God's help and escaping is wrong, not right all the time. a lot of time is my fault.. i need to make things right. slowly. acknowledging it is the first step.

i owe joshua money.
i owe rongchang money.
i owe minny money.
i am just not cash rich. i am dream rich. haha. i dream a lot.

i owe josh a teeshirt. i kinda got it in my head already.. but i got NO time.
no time - i missed mr and mrs ow's house blessing.
no time - i havent done minny's programme.
no time - esther's tee.
):

i had family dinner today. i kinda like the food. esp. the tofu. its yummy! i am supposed to give the mothers' day treat the week after next cos i am leaving. then they said that might as well give all the mothers in the house a treat. i'll prolly cook for grandma this week after exams. cook from home first then dabao there and heat it up. she will kill me if i cook anything more than an egg or instant noodles in her kitchen. i'll make soup or sth. all the salt, msg she is getting from packed food is horrid!

i am gonna study now. prolly till about 3? hopefully. srivijaya seems easier than the mongols.
i miss dr wang!
(: