alamak. i forgot to tell tim that whatever he wants me to bring to cambodia to bring by next week. lala. but he didnt come la. i need to tell him. hmm. i feel like getting something for sara. haha. thats cutie.

i have been blessed in more ways than one. by sarah. aunty laura's inviting us to her house for dinner. soupy! haha, i am a non-cantonese who loveeess soup.

aiya. i got tons to say. but no time to say. break till nine.

i am going for a long walk-study tomorrow. i have to finish all my notes tonight then. indus civilisation is tough to study.

we all live on nostalgia dont we? i do. i hate changes. sometimes.

this week:
tuesday: exam
wednesday: kickboxing
thursday: dinner at uncle pc and aunty laura's place
friday: cell i think. and yanleen's exam
sat: not sure what yet
sunday: church
monday: kickboxing
tuesday: fly.

meanwhile, i gotta do
1. min's programme
2. josh's tee
3. esther's tee
4. aunty jen's poster
5. prep for cambodia
6. shopping!

(:

is it wise to hold on to something meaningless? what is meaning of meaningless? i am really puzzled. vanity of vanities.

we were learning about dealing with emotions at cell yesterday. because i said that my greatest issue is anger, rongchang said that i am growing fatter because i am not verbalizing my anger. thats crap but they kinda made a list of issues i supposedly have/need.
1. anger management
2. low self esteem
3. i will explode anytime (josh said that rather nonchalently)
4. manage expectations
5. i presume they would have said this about me if they knew, to stop talking too much to myself

hmm. i dont think i have all the problems listed above. but i think i really need to find a healthy avenue to direct my anger. i direct my anger at myself. i am angry with myself for being stupid, etc. etc. yea. i dont need help as of now.

was talking to ian over sms that day. i complain too much. and i need to respond in love to many things even though i do not verbalise it. i get mildly to seriously annoyed with people daily. i think i need a lot of personal space after exams. i need to slow down my already slow pace of life and get in touch with God and myself. i need to remind myself not to fear but to face things bravely with God's help and escaping is wrong, not right all the time. a lot of time is my fault.. i need to make things right. slowly. acknowledging it is the first step.

i owe joshua money.
i owe rongchang money.
i owe minny money.
i am just not cash rich. i am dream rich. haha. i dream a lot.

i owe josh a teeshirt. i kinda got it in my head already.. but i got NO time.
no time - i missed mr and mrs ow's house blessing.
no time - i havent done minny's programme.
no time - esther's tee.
):

i had family dinner today. i kinda like the food. esp. the tofu. its yummy! i am supposed to give the mothers' day treat the week after next cos i am leaving. then they said that might as well give all the mothers in the house a treat. i'll prolly cook for grandma this week after exams. cook from home first then dabao there and heat it up. she will kill me if i cook anything more than an egg or instant noodles in her kitchen. i'll make soup or sth. all the salt, msg she is getting from packed food is horrid!

i am gonna study now. prolly till about 3? hopefully. srivijaya seems easier than the mongols.
i miss dr wang!
(:

i got sweaty palms and sweaty soles. so unless i wear socks, my shoes stink. i am not getting a new pair of birks. i think my teva are serving me so well. i remember this camp last last year or sth, i was supposed to print this poster thingy out, then it was raining so heavily before i went to meet uncle william. i soaked my shoes and socks and then i had to buy new ones. those new ones have turned old, but i love them so. hahaa.

i am so not sure how is thaddy now. i dont wanna annoy william and jo by asking them all the time. i just want that little one to be alright. its kinda worrying ah. sigh.

i went for steps with minny. we both kinda sucked at it and looked like idiots. thank God for minny all the time because i wouldnt know what to do alot of time! MINNY, YOU ARE AWESOME! and TIM, YOU'RE A PUNK! haha. i am just kidding on the tim bit.. hahaa.

i hope i can finish one topic today! i am heading to school to study.

people change. i am * fickle. nothing really interests me for a long time. not that i can think of anything right now. i dont even like bookbinders anymore. i got a dozen books unread. i hope i can read more this hols. finish sophie's world and the rest of the NT at least.

and edward.. is just WAYYYYY CUTE!!

and i just decided, how many times have i said it, I WILL NOT HAVE A PHONE IN MY HOUSE!!! or at least phone calls will be prohibited before 10am and after 10pm. they are a social disturbance!

(:

thad

thad, originally uploaded by shirley_s.

大家
my little darling. or rather everyone's darling thad thad is sick. he is diagnosed with serious bronchitis. pray that his lungs will be cleared of all phelgm and that God will build up in him a strong immue system. That he will get well quickly and the situation will not get worse. That God will take him through complete healing. and pray for daddy and mummy too. that God will give them peace and faith. and rest.
thankya

(:

aunty k was like telling me not to study before the exam, as in the 30min before, and to recall it like a movie. i thought it was a bad movie. blurry, tiring and long movie. bleh.

eh ian. i thought its called st james powerhouse or sth? the one near harbourfront right? i think its feels a little like timberlux, remember when you came for my school design show. i went there a long while back, so my memory of it might not be too correct.

i was just staring at my 2dollar plastic note on the table. then i recalled in one issue of some magazine, chris lee was talking about if he were to design money he will design thin plastic ones cos he doesnt carry a wallet and likes to stuff all his money into his back pocket. i like to do that too. but i dont cos i am careless and cant afford to lose alot of money.

juan was telling me about how she felt about toul sleng. i guess if you have been with me while i was there.. thats how i felt as well. i was feeling so uneasy and freaked out.

i was just thinking many countries had conflicts which led to many deaths. even in southeast asia.
singapore and malaya - japanese occupation
vietnam - vietnam war with the united states who lost
philippines
cambodia - khmer rogue
...


sigh.

sometimes the more we know someone the more we dislike the person. perhaps not dislike, but increasingly unable to tolerate some of the behaviour. so i guess its not person per se, but rather the action.

i find some of my antics detestable. do tell me when i become irritating, i rather hear it from a friend than be kept in the dark.

like i said, i need to reconcile some stuff. and those stuff are increasing. and increasingly difficult. pray that i keep an open mind and heart. and a sensitive spirit.

i wanna go buy stuff. stuff that are useless and boliao. like an excessive number of sketchbooks and pencils. haha.

i think i should start sorting out a packlist for cambodia. i dont wanna be all flustered and stuff when time comes.

packlist
clothes - 5-6 sets
toiletries - toothbrush, floss, toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, moisturiser
towels - 2-3
hangers - 2-3
jackets - 1-2
books - sophie's world, the new book i got from ian and audrey, BIBLE, the 5 people you meet in heaven, my learn khmer books
music - buns, my discman. haha. i still got a discman. it apparently takes a while to get to HCM. and bun's lifespan doesnt last that long
waterbottle - 1-2 different sizes
watch
devotion books - i guess i will stick to cover to cover and my daily thing
li-en* - batteries and charger
a family photo
my stinky bolster
shoes - 1-2 pairs
slippers - 2 pairs - 1 for shower and 1 for ordinary use
mantou? kinda heavy but then i can load my photos in

seems like i got a lot of books to bring there. ahaha. i will decide later. haha.

i am trying to reconcile some things.
i am trying to understand that not everyone has to be like me.
i am trying to understand that kids need more time to learn.

i am flying on 9may.
i am flying back on 20jun.
i will be going to vietnam on the way.
i want to go to timor leste next. check out Ogilvy & Mather's campaign.

i need to study. there is absolutely no time to study this past weeks.

stephen shares the same bday. happy birthday kiddo!

i thank God for the grace He has shown through the years.
i thank God for those who remembered my bday.
i thank God for the blessings my friends brought.
i thank God for sooling, yanhui, diana for bringing the cake!
i thank God for tim and min who brought me the crumpler bag!
i thank God for family!
i thank God for aunty doris, aunty k, tim, min, william, jo, thad, sooling, diana, yanhui, john, josh, junhao, meiying, rongchang, yanleen, shuling, gerald, priscilla, james, fangying, yujun, peiqi, vion... for blessing me with their presence!
i thank God for them so so much!

just wanna thank God for who He is..

(:

stephen shares the same bday. happy birthday kiddo!

i thank God for the grace He has shown through the years.
i thank God for those who remembered my bday.
i thank God for the blessings my friends brought.
i thank God for sooling, yanhui, diana for bringing the cake!
i thank God for tim and min who brought me the crumpler bag!
i thank God for family!
i thank God for aunty doris, aunty k, tim, min, william, jo, thad, sooling, diana, yanhui, john, josh, junhao, meiying, rongchang, yanleen, shuling, gerald, priscilla, james, fangying, yujun, peiqi, vion... for blessing me with their presence!
i thank God for them so so much!

just wanna thank God for who He is..

(:

sending sarah and juan off makes the trip feels closer. kinda left with three weeks and i am totally unprepared. glad that i spoke to tim today in the car. though i talked to uncle william before about what to prepare, tim seems to make it more comprehensible. devotions and sharing i know i gotta prepare some. photos and the music i like. i am bringing my bolster, not pillow though, i am cool without my pillow. but i need my stinky bolster. that means i need to bring 2 bolster covers. i wonder do i need to bring my own sheets. i dont mean to be like pampered and all, but its seven weeks we are talking about here. i can be very simple but some things need to be taken care of. i wonder if we get to buy washing detergent there or should i bring some up. seven weeks' not too long but neither is it short la. aiyo. what a headache. i wonder will i draw there, should i bring my wacom. i will bring li-en* and mantou for sure. should get the girls to go shopping with me today. teeshirts and stuff.

went for breakfast after sending them off. not bad, quite nice. should have bought some for grandma had i know i am coming. but i told grandma after my trip, i will cook for her everyday. i better start learning more dishes other than beehoon soup, corn carrot soup, chicken rice, oyster sauce chicken. i wonder what does she like? i must learn how to bake bread too. its healthier for her.

(:

i was reading my archives. now that i am turning 21, i thought it was rather suitable.

i was sucha joyous and happy kid back then. very crazy, kinda haphazard, a bull in a chinashop, living my life without a care, not because of very strong faith back then, but cos i think i didnt know anything. five years passed. grown older, spent more time thinking, still cant hold a conversation. a little weary, disillushioned with life before, but more certain of my position in God. i wouldnt know how to live life like before. joy came for the bbq just now, she was talking to mr joshua. mr joshua said that if he could live his life again, he would change parts of it. i just looked up - i wouldnt want to change anything at all. for twenty years of my life, i risen and fallen and some things dont matter as much now because all that endless pursuit of it during my youth made me tired and made me see the neccessary evil of it.

shu wrote in my bday card that i will be officially old. yea. old in a couple of days time. i am not really excited about my bday because its kinda in the midst of so many things. good friday service, then me bday, then easter celebration, then flying off to cambodia.

anyways, happy bday to the kids in church who share the same month for bdays.
kangdi (5)
andrew (5)
shu (6)
darren (6)
daryl (6)
kim (11)
gerald (12)
fiona (13)
mark (14)
shirley (15)
cass (16)
ernest (30)

hahaha. lotsa bday babies.

been thinking a fair bit lately. i get irritated easily and i have high expectations of things. when the table is turned, i hope you feel how i felt. it was a terrible feeling.

haha. i realised that i am always trying to persuade ernest not to get the stuff i got. crumpler bag, the action sampler. haha.

tim said that they should get a bf for me for my birthday. the thought is appreciated but would you please refer to the list on orangeliquidpaper.blogspot.com

hahaha.

i am coughing less.

i have been blogging rubbish lately. what surreal puking night. cough's getting better. and i am really thankful. i finally finished my opium essay. just that its not typed out nicely and all.

birthday invites are sent out. didnt call dajie or hedges. should meet up instead. haha.

something slipped my mind.

i really feel like drawing.

mr song - have you found your tikam machine? keep a lookout for mine!

hahaa.

date of departure - 5 may
date of arrival - 20 jun

nothings confirmed. its all tentative. but i am going. and i will be back.

i put on a LOT of weight. hahaha.

sooling. stop feeding me!

hahaha.

what rubbish!

yesterday night was kinda surreal. i really thought my cough was getting better and i could do everything and anything. but i had a coughing fit in the middle of the night, and puked. not that i puked in my room, but i made it to the toilet in time. i was never fully awake though. i cant even remember if i flushed the toilet. all i remembered was i rinsed my mouth, drank some water and went back to sleep. but i guess i flushed the toilet because nobody complained this morning. hahaha.


thats all.

kinda upset. this year's design show is over. was kinda thinking about it when i saw the upcoming show from NIE students. sad. its kinda sad. really sad. sad. depressing. really depressing.

):

i spent a day doing nothing. and thats quite enjoyable. been quite sick lately. theres rehearsals on friday and saturdays, so gotta finish my essay today or tomorrow.

lalalalaa.

(: