lca_a
Originally uploaded by shirley_s.

minny! this is mr LCA!

(:

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT AN L-CA FOR CHRISTMAS!

my calves hurt like nobody's business. but if it would slim down in the process, then the pain is worthwhile. hahaa. i went to get a sketchbook.

***

i've been waiting weeks for hari raya to arrive. not for religious purposes though. deep down in my heart, i am hoping that ms ros will invite me to her house for feast she prepares annually! i have never gotten enough confidence to go before cos i am quite scared of the seniors still though its been a while. hahhaa. i told myself i must go this year because when i was a little kid, i got drenched and she lent me her teeshirt so i could go orchard rd to have dinner. now i am deciding whether to buy chocolate, cake or fruits. maybe cake is out, cos we will be too full to eat anything else. thinking of seeing someone so kind makes me day again!

hehehee.

feast feast feast.


***

hahaha. i will buy chocolate. i will go shopping tomorrow. for a waterbottle, toothpaste, and candy. its for the bottle thing for the cambodia trip for the kiddos. i am sponsering a waterbottle. hehe. i will go get the stuff.. and i will ask my mama to help me pack. hehehe. my mama is coughin quite badly and shes very stubborn. i will go to the shop at millenia walk to grab plenty of candy. i finished my essay. need to rework it. thanks to ian who corrected many many grammatical errors. hehehee. anyways, if you see me suddenly crying these days, its ok. a bit emotional. not that i mind because as long as it doesnt affect my life then its fine. i cant stand people who act worst than a woman with pms.

(:

(:

i finally understood why i never had a problem deciding my education path.

cos i always miss the deadline!
i missed four of them.
1. after prelims, the first three months.
2. i missed the SAT deadline.. then they announced that local universities didnt require that.
3. Parsons, MICA, CSM. not that i am good enough or i had money for school fees la.
4. NUS.

see, all my problems were resolved even without my involvement.


anyways, the real prob now is should i keep my handphone or not. i dont like it. not because its ugly or anything. but i dont see real purposes in keeping it. i check my mail reguarly. ya. you can call me at home. but i would need an alarm clock. and i must be very disciplined not to be late. and i need 10c coins and a phonecard.

ya loh, if i decide to give up my phone. i will tell you.

(:

my nick on msn still reflects my mood.
actually i want to start of with some history trivias. but as much as i try to remember what dr wang says in class to post, i will forget them as soon as i get home.

ok. heres one. but i guess most people know it already.

china remains one of the unique model where it can be so socialist yet so capitalist in nature. its a conflict that deng never resolved to rectify when he took over after mao's death. instead, he advocated it.

since we are on the topic of history, in response to ian's qn - history reflects the evolution of time. ok. that doesnt make sense. but in my study of history, it tells me that neither poets or historians are really valued by society because society values economic returns. in literature you people often engage yourselves in overt/covert political material which antagonise the government and the government tries all ways and means to get rid of you. ie. cultural revolution. anyway, ian, its hard to afford sentosa cove studying literature.

anyway, thats not supposed to make sense. i am just trying to recall what cultural revolution is.

oh. now that school has come to an end before the examinations. i want to give thanks.

thanks and praise be to the awesome God who has seen me through this semester with much grace and mercy and blessings. for those who dont know, i got a C+ for my history essay and it made me sooooo upset that i told myself that i would be satisfied being a C student all my school life. no expectations, no disappointment. so while i am overcoming the grief of deproving, i was pretty above average in poly and deciding which developmental stage i didnt complete well, i think i hear God telling me so clearly this - My grace does not simply extend over your schoolwork. it opened me eyes to all the blessings God has provided - my grandma's checkup revealed nothing wrong, my mother and family is supportive of me going to cambodia, etc etc, and in the form of these people
1. huimin, ian and yanleen - we meet up on alternate weeks to do BS together and then these people are so accomodating and they will 应酬 me no matter how silly i sound. esp huimin and ian, like who really cares if you get a C+. like what kind of big deal is that right? but they are so nice. hahaa.
2. da jie - when i get lazy to walk so many hundred metres to CanteenA, she will come over to NIE to have lunch. and she will queue to get food cos i am late. then i can rant all i need to her. and she just listens.
3. reena, khengli, yvette - they are in all my classes except my academic subject.
4. diana - i think one issue we are both facing is living a Christlike life in school. ya. she is really nice we dont talk much but she makes it a point to encourage me, i think God made me her responsiblity, thats why she does that. its nice being encouraged instead of the one always encouraging others.
5. xuemei - she calls me firmbutt which i dont like but all in the name of fun. fellow Christian with a heart for mission i think.
6. yanhui, sooling - yanhui is very generous. to everyone. her notes, her ideas, her food, everything. and three of us hang out together quite often cos our lunch/tea break is usually at the same time, ie. mon, wed, thu.

i am not trying to negate anybody's impact on my life by mentioning names. but these are the people i wanna highlight la. ok.

(:

today's history lesson:

indemnity? what indemnity? 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈.

todays history lesson is like, what, meant for me only. he spoke so softly at some parts that i thought no one else except for me, who is less than a metre away, can hear.

***

你说,"做人不用想那么多".
一点点的我很赞成.
很多的我无法认同.
难道我打电话给你就要听吗?
可能你有千百个不愿意但说不出来.
我觉得那样太自我了.
做不了.
不会做.
可能,

尊重.

太多了.

***

i think if 老师reads this, 她会有心*病.
lousy. totally lousy.


(:

as a kid, i was always offended if someone copied the stuff i have. pencils, notebooks and stuff. i guess i have copied someone else's stuff before. i am sure of it. but the point is, people do get offended i guess. esp when its super obvious. nopes, i have nothing for any one to copy. probably i am not talking about myself. but dont plagarize your essays. nothing good will come out of it. acknowledge sources. its important. doesnt matter which citation style you use. whatever rocks your lecturer's boat. my next essay is APA.

if you have been following my progress, you would know that i cant wake up before noon for the last 3 days. but today, despite sleeping at 5, i was fully awake by 9. thats why i always say the best way to wake up on time is to scare yourself awake. aunty k messaged me - 600. i got a shock man! what flashed through my mind first was the cost. if i had to do it by conventional methods, it would have cost $180, if i go by the unconventional, it might take more than a day. then i realised why God never gave me the ability to use beautiful colours in my works, cos colours are expensive. hahaa. the next thing was if i am going to cut 600 on my own, how many penknife blades do i need? and where is my art friend card cos i need to buy penknife blades. hahaa. so i decided that the best thing to do is to wake up and get going.

by the grace of God. we got it at a price that was affordable. at a quality that was not compromised. and at the time we need. woohoo! thank God!

standing at the printing shop made me miss school alot. we used to stand there and rave over each other's work. i saw ser, djulian, and jerry's final year project there then. and i was so impressed by the quality of their work. really wonder what are they doing now. at the same place, on the day before submission, i saw alison and was really really nice because when everyone is kanchiong, no one gives a damn about you. then i went for cell. i think i wouldnt dare do it without God. that night, i didnt sleep a wink cos i was finishing up stuff. hahaa.

blah blah blah.

thought of too much things to say. but i am tired.

have you prayed a prayer like this before?

dear God, if you have time, answer my prayer?

just some thoughts.

some comments are not welcomed.


(:

mao said this:

鸟要飞, 娘要嫁, 由他去吧!

雨要下, 娘要嫁, 由他去吧!

li en never seems to be posting but she seems to update links faster than anyone else!
WOOHOO LI EN*
YOU'RE THE BEST!

hahaa. went for dinner. its wow wow! at peach garden. i like the dishes cos its very subtlely flavoured. haha. not sure if its the right description. haha.

i bought a new CD. its observatory - blank walls. it has a surreal feel to it.

lalalaa. piaking essays.


(:

i think its the love for grandma and grandpa that keeps us all so close. ranting to my cousin. we were really close as kids, four of us, before his little sister was born. we stayed in the same house, played the same games, they got more caning than me. haha. i am not lamenting that i am growing old. in fact, i appreciate the fact that though we dont stay that close anymore, but we still can be drawn together by some things we love.

(:

yesterday i ate brocoli. i dont know how to spell it because i dont like the spelling even. but after 13 years, i ate my first bite of it. hahaa. its quite exciting, but i dont like the texture of the vegetable.

anyways, after yesterday's lecture, i was thinking, maybe we shouldnt discriminate chinese lecturers. though they are quite difficult to understand sometimes.. like party cutters. the entire class couldnt make head or tail out of it. haha. perhaps whats keeping them here is not the pay, perhaps going back to china is tough. so be nice. i will go for dr deng's class next time.

today in class, he said that i am a petty bourgesoise. hahaa. he wasnt being mean. its just a class discussion. hahaa. and when we were commenting about cult personality and mr lee, all i noticed was eh, the door not closed. haha. how to be radicals. haha.

I AM A PETTY BOURGESOISE*

i am really not a petty bourgesoise. its just discussion and making it relevant. please dont catch me. hahahaha.

it was a pained thing. not meant to be understood. its better one way i think.

anyways, been seriously doing some thinking. i am turning 21. and for the 2nd time in my life, i will host a PARTY! its a strictly -by invite- party. and the minimum criteria to make it to the party is - you got to be above 21! hahaa. its an adult party. we wanna do adult stuff. and i want to be the youngest there though i am 21. hahaa.

actually. no la. i would want to invite everyone i know to come if possible. but theres always the limitation of space and stuff. so i cant. and i am socially inept. and then if you and you and you come and theres too many people then i will get scared. gatecrashers are welcomed. pay for your own meal la. and bring present to admit. haha.


anyways, yesterday i asked my mom if i could go to cambodia.
me: ma. can i ask you something?
mum: what?
me: i told you i am going somewhere right? i am going to cambodia, okay?
mum: where?
me: cambodia. nearby.
mum: i thought you want to go shanghai or what melbourne or nepal?
me: you give me money issit?
mum: you never ask.

it went on a bit. but this is enough. haha. she took it so well. i didnt even take it so well when i was deciding. anyways, exams end on the 21st. the trip is tentatively on the 16th. and theres a GB camp and a P6-sec1 outing. and theres Christmas to prepare for. and all that cool stuff in the head!

welcome you* to the family.

i started the day right i feel. with prayer and worship. i walked into the class right too. i greeted her to imply that i respect her authority in the class. then the awesome thing came about! she changed her target! wow! and then we had good questions to ask - dr agnes, can you flash the readings page again. hahaha. how awesome is that question man! hahahaha. anyways, it was just meant to say that even though i appear not paying attention but i actually do get what you've taught.

its like that since primary school. i must doodle and draw and scribble and appear not listening, but i am! i am woman! i can multi task. whatever. as long as i know my stuff.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY*

(:

i've been having problems sharing lately. like people make me feel that i have made a mountain out of a molehill. then i would brush it aside till it resurface again. but today when i was talking to yanleen, i was so thankful that she is there to listen. i think after a few more trips with me home, she will hate me. like - too much shirley too much shirley. you talk too much! hahaa. i felt that she understood what i was talking about though sometimes its quite vague. she is so truly awesome! sometimes its not easy to be a listener. first you need patience. you need to be able to identify with it. or be trained to do it. i know i am a girl when i start talking. i can act really tough and nonchalent. but when i start talking, its all the girl stuff. not to the extent of gossip, but just girls thing. and i really understand why min wants to start a girls ministry. for that purpose - girls' talk. cos girls must talk. talk to God. talk to one another. talk! haha.

i just emailed good news to aunty k. not BIG HOOHA good news. its a baby step of faith good news. i know i wouldnt dare without prayer.

i dont really have people on my head now.

thad is out of the hospital. praise God! and pray for peace and comfort with the family.


quite tired lately.


whatever la.


(:

i was searching for the word to descibe this period of time for me. emo la. i think i damn emo lately. emo is good when you need to draw or paint or take photos. but when you are emo while writing essays dont make sense. especially when your essay is supposed to be logical and objective.

emo pig*

haha.

i took a new route for a walk today. surprising my mom "released" me without much questioning. i was really agitated today. very emotional. then i walked and walked. for a short while. i want to focus on God. not my problems. you hear this all the time, but putting it to action all the time is tough sometimes.

focus on God.
pray for a lot of people.

there are so much to pray for and so little time.

(:

allywally* dearie is so cute! she comes once in a while to say hi!
HEYS ALLYWALLY*

been angry and upset for no reasons. have been feeling out of sorts. like somethings wrong but i dont know. on sunday, when rach started sharing, i started crying too. it may sound weird but theres been a lot of oppressed emotions lately. i need to explode. went for a walk, tried to run but the knee is still friggin painful. i dont know whats wrong and i am not too keen to know. i just walked and walked and walked and then started running the last bit of five minutes home.

happy valentine day!

(:

i get startled really easily. my brother just sneezed and i almost jumped out of my seat. scary la. i should have gotten used to it cos i am the only one in the house with the small quiet sneezes. derek calls them the dangerous sneezes and i believe them. i mean, he has back problems, and i am sure the doctor taught him to sneeze properly before. and i have hurt my back sneezing too.

anyways, have you ever asked God whether He got extra talents up for grabs? i always ask for literary and musical talents. i mean just a little to get by writing poems and singing in sync with the music. but i think He never quite replied to them. not that i am not happy with whatever i have from God, but its always nice being able to draw nicely with just a few waves of the brush, or putting random words together to make lovely paragraphs or simply strumming on the guitar. i know whatever the Lord has given to me is to prepare me for His work and i am very thankful for what He has given me. i mean even if i can write extremely well as a teacher, it will only help my students to a certain extent, but if i am patient and kind, then the difference made will be different and perhaps more lasting. so i believe that i am called to be a teacher, though what comes out right now as the incentive is the slightly more than 3digit pay.

so whatever talent you have. use it as the Lord desires of you. He is a creative God. He gives differently and may not seem fair. but you really dont want God to be fair.

ya loh.

(:

天天想妳　
天天問自己
到什麼時候才能告訴妳
天天想妳　
天天守住一顆心
把我最好的愛留給妳

i like this song. heard it on teevee just now.
(:

on tuesday, i packed a little bear and a card with words for a friend that i dont know her name. i was doing my quiet time and i read a verse which kinda prompted me - yes, thats the one for her. so today she gave me CHOCOLATE! its so sweet of her. haha. i love chocolate. so it kinda looked like Christmas today when diana gave me some biscuits. hahaa. then yanhui bought me curry puff from the wrong store. haha. she didnt want to take money for the curry puff, i am supposed to return in kind. hahaa.

then though i think the prejudice my lecturer has against me is far greater than the one i have against her, i would not say much because i have made up my mind to allow my attitude to change for the better. and i will be submissive to her. oh well. at least i was paying attention in class.

then so happily, i went to drink coffee in the library. the coffee in my library very zhai one. haha. no smell one. so horrid. i felt sick after that la. was freezing in the library then in history class. i think i really looked very pale. cos even khai said that when i saw him. he found people to car pool. so he never have to take the bus and mrt home again. sob sob. will any kind soul pick me up from school? just wednesdays will do! haha.

anyways, i called my 老师 a while back. though i had some ulterior motive, but my intentions were still sincere. anyways, as with the last 3 years, she would ask 友薇, 有男朋友了吗? no la. of course. then she would say, 没关系, 这种事可欲不可求. then normally i would go - ya ya. then change the topic. cos nothing to say what. haha. but this time round, thoughts just flashed into my mind. just the past months, i got several friends who got relationship problems. its not the unexpected kind, its the right from the start you see it coming kind. oh well. but cos they wanted me to listen, so i sat by loh. and i often wonder why people get into a relationship. we all know the ultimate is to get married. but what really attracts each other. for now, i dont know. and it doesnt really matter. like i said to her, i am blissfully single now. haha. anyways, my 老师 is still as nice as she was 8years ago.

i have been thinking who have i been unkind to lately. i am usually very patient. but i havent been very kind to issac. i feel so bad, but i dont think i know him anymore so why does he have to call and all that stuff. i think when people dont talk for a while or dont see each other, it just becomes very awkward when you wanna talk. i dont mind listening. i can sympathise with people very easily but i cant talk. i dont like talking when i dont know you anymore and stuff. like what are we talking about? who are we bluffing. met up with a friend a couple of weeks ago. though we were close but it was just @#$% meeting up cos we have changed and dont know anything else. whatever.

i think people know i listen quite well. because this little kid msn me after a million months. then you wonder.. so long never see, got things to say meh. nothing loh. i never knew him anyway. i was his camp facilitator a year ago for a few days. anyway, what really impressed me was his discipline and determination. i was truly impressed by that little kid, yknow. but thats all la. i dont even remember what hes like. hahaa.

history essay!

(:

blogspot still looks weird on my computer. anyways, cos i cant blog on the leyy thing, i have decided to move. you know how i get annoyed by people who keep moving and moving and moving and i realise that i am one of those annoying people. ok las.

been really tired lately. not that i am not sleeping well. but i dont know. discovering gifts lately. haha. on my own. i am not too sure. but i will just keep doing as the Lord calls. i wrote a card for a new friend today. she got a little puzzled. i dont know her name. but i just feel that i needed to remind her that God is faithful and got a brilliant plan for her. and at the same time remind myself. i got those cool little cards from Acts. the bookshop. gorgeous little fellows. nicer than the pass it on kind i feel. its a different style.

i forgot exactly what i wanna say. and i only got a couple more minutes before i got to hand the computer over to my brother. i have been wasting time lately. i have been quite lost for a while. oh ya. i remembered why i have decided to start a new blog. was reading jer's blog. he came back from tibet a while ago. and hes going to japan soon. i always wonder where they find the moolah to travel. i hope when i start teaching, i will have enough vacation at the end of the year go for a month long trip. but according to aunty k, that doesnt sound quite feasible cos they always have stuff for teachers. anways, being student now means i got some time. and i think i wont spend much money while travelling cos i dont shop. i shop less than most people i know. but each buy means half my account flying out of my pocket. anyways, from today - oct4,2005 to dec31,2006, i wanna be able to make it to these countries/cities/places.

shanghai.
cambodia.
melbourne.
melaka.

no order of merit. doesnt matter how long i stay. but i wanna spend Christmas with loved ones. anyways, i am looking forward to hols this year. so much more than any years before. ai cheng is getting married on dec26, and i am geting invited. hahahaa.

praying that i will spend more time in prayer.

(: